Our Love Can't Die!
by YaoiQueen95
Summary: This is the sequel to Eternal Love! Alright so this is when Kenpachi finds out about Ruri'iro and Ikkaku takes Kenpachi's side or so they think! Enjoy! I don't own bleach. IkkaYumi and mentions of ByaRen and other couples! Future M-Preg!
1. I'm not important enough!

**This is the sequel to my first story True love never dies! This is after Kenpachi finds out about Ruri'iro Kujaku. Hope you like it!**

**I DON'T OWN BLEACH**

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Ikkaku stared at his sleeping lover. His heart ached as he looked at the bandaged wrists and the tear stained face. He wonder how it had come to this. If he and Renji hadn't found Yumichika, when they did, he would have bled to death. Ikkaku sighed as he continued watching Yumichika. He got up and went closer to the bed and stared at the sleeping man instantly noticing the fresh tears that stained the beautiful face. _He can't escape even in his dreams he suffers! Didn't I say I wouldn't abandon him and yet all it took was our captain finding out about Ruri'iro and I let this happen! _Ikkaku sighed frustrated with himself for letting this happen. He reached forward and gently caressed Yumichika's pale cheek. He watched Yumichika's eyelids flutter open, revealing beautiful violet eyes, that were strained with sorrow and pain.

"Don't touch me Ikkaku!" Yumichika growled breaking Ikkaku's heart. _Does that mean, Yumichika, that we're not lovers anymore? Does this mean you aren't going to forgive me this time? _Ikkaku wondered pulling his hand away before Yumichika could smack it away. He watched trying to convey his thoughts to words. To try and defend his actions, but as he watched Yumichika struggle to sit up everything faded to the one person in front of him. A man that had followed him faithfully and done everything to help him, to love him. Ikkaku reached forward, toward Yumichika, only to get his hand smacked away.

"I said don't touch me!" Yumichika exclaimed sitting up. Looking out the window into the world of darkness, he sighed. It was happening, yet again, and still he couldn't help but wish that he could stay by Ikkaku's side. _I have given you everything I could and still you picked the captain over me. I wonder if I was right and I am trash. I'm not worth loving or caring about in any way. I haven't thought like that in years! _Yumichika thought as he looked at Ikkaku. His gaze, through all the pain, remained loving and gentle toward the man that had broken his heart and body so many times.

"Why would you do this Yumichika?!" Ikkaku asked looking at Yumichika and letting his gaze flow down to the mans small wrists, both were bandaged, and were red with the beautiful mans blood. Yumichika raised an elegant eyebrow. _Why wouldn't I? I told you didn't I? That I couldn't survive it all again. _Yumichika thought feeling a sense of calm.

"Do what Ikkaku? Try to kill myself?" Yumichika replied still calm. Crushing any feelings of sadness and hatred, for he felt hatred toward Ikkaku for the first time, with an iron fist of pure will power he kept that out of his features. _You wont even let me die in peace. That isn't fair Ikkaku! I would let you die if you wanted to, but when it's me that wants something I don't get it. I thought I made you happy these last ten years. _

"Damn it! Yumichika don't play stupid you know what I'm talking about!!" Ikkaku yelled and watched Yumichika's face remained calm, which only served to fuel Ikkaku's anger. Before he could even think of what he was doing he had grabbed Yumichika by his wrist and slammed him into the wall. He began to tighten the grip on Yumichika's small wrists. _See if that gets rid of that false calmness. _Ikkaku thought, as he watched, tears form in Yumichika's beautiful violet eyes. He didn't know whether it was physical pain or hurt feelings that caused the tears.

"I-Ikkaku you're hurting me." Yumichika whimpered. He watched Ikkaku smiled at him without releasing him. Yumichika's eyes widened as he felt fear shot through his body and mind. _Ikkaku! His going to hurt me! I can't do this anymore! I can't stay calm anymore. I can't even move! Even if he does hurt me I'll still love him! Won't I? I'm that stupid! _Yumichika thought, this time, fear flashed in his eyes making Ikkaku realize what he was doing. He stared into Yumichika's eyes and watched the fear disappeared and was replaced by a sad smile and eyes full of tenderness, of affection for him and only him. Yumichika didn't even care about the pain he wanted to love Ikkaku forever.

"Go ahead Ikkaku. Do what ever you want to me. It doesn't matter anymore." Yumichika stated his eyes filled with tears that refuse to roll down the pale face. _He doesn't care? What if I hurt him now? I wouldn't forgive myself if I hurt him again but would he even try to stop me? _As the thoughts entered his mind he realized that Yumichika wasn't done talking.

"What's wrong? I thought you were going to hurt me. I'm sorry to inform you but there is nothing more that you can do to hurt me." Yumichika stated. Smiling at Ikkaku. Yumichika watched faking every word. _You can still hurt me but not much worse them this. Who would have thought it? You, who saved me, ended up killing my heart and will? _Yumichika chuckled making Ikkaku look at him in confusion. All the fear was gone replaced with a look of defiance.

"If I wanted to I could hurt you, Yumichika." Ikkaku stated and watched Yumichika's smile was gone replaced by a look of pure hatred and anger. Which made Ikkaku's chest twist in agony. _Is this what he felt when I told him he didn't mean anything to me? Is this what I looked like when I found out about Ruri'iro Kujaku full of hatred and anger toward him? I can't believe this is happening again and this time he does hate me. I have truly lost you. Haven't I? _

"I know and it hurts. It hurts so much to think that you'd hurt me. That's what hurts me the most. I love you Ikkaku and that's what makes this so hard. If you were anyone else I wouldn't care, but your my life! Your my whole world and for someone, that you haven't known half as long as me, you'd throw me aside." Yumichika whispered watching Ikkaku with so much love and hurt in those violet orbs. It was bitter sweet to Ikkaku who had believed Yumichika didn't love him anymore. Ikkaku moved his hands to Yumichika's elbows holding him up without hurting him.

"You're a fool! That isn't what I asked." Ikkaku said and watched. Yumichika's sigh lightly as the pressure was removed from his injured wrists. Yumichika looked at him and opened his mouth a few times before finally saying something.

"I did this to escape! You might not need me but I'll always need you. I've learned what love was from you! Love, to me, is the tingle that I feel when you touch me, the happiness I feel when you say you love me, and the joy of existing by you side! The warmth I feel when you look at me, the strange mixer of happiness and bliss when you kiss me and the pure pleasure that only you can give me. That's what love is to me! You're what love is to me." Yumichika stated watching Ikkaku's eyes widen in surprise. He couldn't help but smile at Ikkaku. _I'll tell you. This is what we promised each other to share our feelings. Isn't it? I'll let you feel my pain._

"Ikkaku I had to. You let him break my arm and crush my sprite. When I was allowed to go home you weren't there. I was alone and them the message came, Yumichika Ayasegawa you are officially going to be transferred to another squad. I instantly realized you hadn't been there because you didn't want to help me deal with it!" Yumichika told him with sadness.

"So instead of letting them kick me out I grabbed the things that were dear to me and left. Rukongai was my home once with you and so I went there. It was so hard. Everywhere I went I remembered our time there! Until I couldn't take it anymore! I needed an escape and death was what I came up with!" Yumichika closed his eyes and looked out the window feeling his ex-captain's sprite energy coming closer.

"I hope that answers you question. You should get going Ikkaku. Kenpachi is coming." Yumichika stated closing his eyes and leaning back until his head rested on the wall.

"After all I'm not important enough." Yumichika told him and before he could answer Yumichika had laid down, on the bed, and closed his eyes. He was asleep as quickly as he had awoken. He was shocked to see the locket he had given Yumichika around his neck shinning with its owners tears.

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**Plz read review tell me what you think and I hope you liked it.**


	2. Time to think about the past

**THIS IS IMPORTANT!! YOU MIGHT WANT TO READ TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES AND THE START OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP CUZ I'LL BE MAKING INFERENCE TO BOTH OF THOSE STORIES! THANK YOU FOR READING!**

**Also this isn't to sad I don't think any ways hope you enjoy! **

**I DON'T OWN BLEACH!**

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'You are important Yumichika!! You're the only person dear to me!'_

_Them, why did you leave when Kenpachi ordered you to? Why didn't you stay and protect Yumichika? How about, the bigger picture here, why weren't you there when he got back home? Did you think he wouldn't draw his own conclusions!! You're a fool and now you'll be a lonely fool once this is all over!_

_'I know. As along as Yumichika survives and is happy them that's all that matters to me! I know that I should have stayed with him but I couldn't! It was a direct order from my captain!'_

_That's not important! Who was it that you saved in rukongai? _

_'Yumi.'_

_Who followed you through all of rukongai without so much as a complaint on how you were treating him?_

_'Yumi.'_

_Who was it that suffered so much that he gave up on himself and tried to take his own life?_

_'Yumichika.'_

_Who's the one that would give everything up for the one he loves and not think about it? Who's the one that has to suffer every day because of your actions?_

_'Yumichika.' _

_Who was it that you beat and still got up and followed you all for the love he had started to feel toward you even with poison flowing through his body?_

_'Yumichika.'_

_Who has loved you with all their heart without asking for anything in return except a little show of affection here and there?_

_'Yumichika.'_

_Who was it that was hurt, all because of something he have no control over? _

_'Yumi.'_

_Who forgave all of those things without a second thought?_

_'Yumichika.'_

_Who is in a bed right now recovering?_

_'Yumichika'_

_Who has given up on love and on his life yet again?_

_'The love of my life Yumichika.' _

_And who was the one that walked away from all of that love and loyalty for someone else that he didn't know for even half as long as his lover?_

_'I did. I'm so sorry that I did! I didn't know this would happen.'_

_This shouldn't have happened! If you had cared just a little bit more about him it wouldn't have. Look at him now! Look at him damn it!_

Ikkaku did as his sword asked and looked at Yumichika once more as tears formed in his eyes. On the bed laid Yumichika, his hair was a mess, his usually peaceful face had morphed into that of a person who had suffer for to long, and the usually clean face was tear stained. Ikkaku reached forward and cleaned away the tears that had been shed in his name. He couldn't believe this was happening, this shouldn't have happened, but it had, all because of his actions.

_That is true but you know what this time I hope you let Yumichika make a choice. Don't force him to stay this time by tricking him or ask him for more time. Don't hurt him anymore. Maybe if you hadn't hurt him when you found out about Ruri'iro kujaku them this wouldn't have happen or been this bad._

_'I-I wont. I'll let him choose I just want him to stop suffering that's all.'_

_I hope so._

Ikkaku felt his captain getting closer to the building and reached out toward Yumichika. He had a feeling this had something to do with Yumichika and where he'd be transferred. He gently picked Yumichika up bridal style and sat down on the bed with him. Oh how he had missed this man. The light weight, the soft skin, his scent, and most all the happiness that they had enjoyed for last ten years. He had a feeling that there captain wouldn't be here any time soon, with Yachiru as a guide, maybe never. With a sigh he turn his gaze out the window to think on his actions even though now was a little to late.

Ikkaku gently ran his fingers through Yumichika's tangled hair. He wonder now how much pain he had caused someone he supposedly loved. He looked down at Yumichika again how could everything have gone so wrong when it had all been so right!

**Ten years earlier (two months after the end of True love never dies!)**

Ikkaku had headed out to the training field with Renji while Yumichika and Byakuya drank some tea and talked. That had become the ritual for the two couples since they had learned that they had a lot in common. Such as, Renji's and Ikkaku's brute nature and the fact they acted without thinking. As for Yumichika and Byakuya they were both much more thoughtful them there partners, not to mention they both had kido type swords, and agreed in many things. They were opposites from their lovers but as the saying goes opposites attract.

Yumichika smiled softly this had all turned out perfectly! He and Ikkaku had been getting along like the perfect couple. Renji who had finally admitted to being in a relationship with Byakuya to Ikkaku, of course, he only admitted to it because he was drunk. Ikkaku had instantly gone to Yumichika with the information. A day after that Renji and Ikkaku went out training, Renji no doubt with plans of revenge for the fact that the info had gotten to Yumichika, who was known for gossiping. Yumichika had headed straight for the sixth squad, to the captain's office, where he now stood looking at the strict noble.

"Hello Captain Kuchiki." Yumichika said in his most polity voice. He could barely stay calm he wanted to find out if it was true that those two were in a relationship of some sort. Yumichika waited for some sign of acknowledgment and receive none. Yumichika glare at the noble ever so slightly. He didn't feel like getting into a fight with him anytime soon. _'Although with Ruri'iro I might be able to win or at least make it a hard fight.' _Yumichika thought with a smile he felt his zanpakuto sprite smile as well. Byakuya looked up at the fifth seat who was smiling to himself. He cleared his throat quietly to get his attention. As Yumichika realized that the captain had finally started paying attention to him. At that moment, he realized that he had no idea what he was going to say.

"Well..ah... Renji said something very interesting to Ikkaku a while ago and I wanted to know if it was true." Yumichika started out nervously he truly had no idea why he wanted to know if the information was true or not. Maybe it was because he wanted to talk to someone else that was gay that wasn't Kira or Shuuhei. Maybe it was the fact that he was friends with Renji. _'Seriously I could just talk with Ukitake or Shunsui if that's the case but no I choose the one person that might kill me for the question!'_

_Well you're you Yumichika. That is just the type of person you are trying to befriend a noble. I truly should have seen that coming._

_'You're so annoying and not helping at the moment!'_

"And what would that be?" Byakuya replied coldly not bothering to look up from his paper work. Yumichika looked at the noble he was handsome, he had to give the man that, of course not as beautiful as himself. He could see why Renji would like a man this handsome but the personality needed a lot of work.

"Well he told Ikkaku that you two were in a...." He stopped for a second and them looked out the window. _'I wonder if I could out run him?' _Yumichika questioned in his mind and could feel his sword laughing. He might as well keep going. He had chosen to come here so he might as well get it over with.

"Well he told Ikkaku that you two were in a romantic relationship." Yumichika spat out as fast as he could which made it sound to Byakuya like one big word. Something like: '.'

"If you have something to say, say it calmly, fifth seat Ayasegawa." Came the monotone voice of the noble. Yumichika mentally slapped himself for sounding like that.

"Renji and Ikkaku went training yesterday morning but instead they got drunk. They were at the bar when Renji told Ikkaku that he was your lover. When Ikkaku got home he told me because we're lover and I just wanted to know if it was true. Only because Renji's my friend I want him to be happy." Yumichika sigh that wasn't so hard! Now, he had to wait for a reaction. He watched as the noble stopped writing to look at him. His eyes, Yumichika realized, showed some fear, of what he wasn't sure.

"Why do you wish to know?" Byakuya asked and Yumichika noticed a note of anxiety in his voice.

"Just curious I wont tell anyone as long as you don't tell anyone about me and kaku." Yumichika said using the nickname he had made for his lover so very long ago. He watched as a twinkle appeared in Byakuya's eyes something akin to laughter.

_'Hey talking with Suki and Hikari helps they only show emotions in their eyes and sometimes their voice!'_

_Maybe they were nobles once._

_'Maybe.'_

_If so they most have been humans or soul reapers once too. Don't you think?_

_'Maybe although with those two no one can really say.'_

"So is it true!" Yumichika exclaimed already knowing the answer. He was happy for them. If they were careful they could be happy without any of the struggle that he and Ikkaku had gone through.

"Yes." Came a one word answer. _'Why did I just admit to that?!'_

_Maybe you wanted someone to talk to that has known Renji longer them you have._

_'Maybe. Who knows SenbonZakura.' _

_"_That's very good! I hope you two are happy together! Renji really seems to...." Yumichika stopped mid-sentence as he felt Ikkaku's sprite change as well as Renji's they were getting madder at each other with the passing minutes. As he turned to look at the captain of the sixth squad he realized that Byakuya had also noticed.

"They're mad at each other and are destroying the training grounds which I was going to use to learn Bankai. How ugly!" Yumichika growled under his breath. Now he was annoyed it wasn't the main training ground it was the secret one that Ikkaku used to train Renji in and where he used his Bankai.

"They're not using the eleventh division training grounds." It was more of a statement them a question.

"No they're using the secret one." Yumichika replied without thinking as he concentrated on where Renji and Ikkaku were. He turned to Byakuya who had an elegant eyebrow raised.

"I can't tell you why it was built!" Yumichika exclaimed looking straight into Byakuya's eyes.

"Why is that?" Byakuya asks and Yumichika sighs impatiently.

"I'll tell you with one condition." Yumichika stated and smiled this was going to be a great idea. _'I'll ask him to train me to achieve my Bankai and use it!! He has a kido based sword like mine so its perfect!' _Yumichika thought smiling not knowing that Byakuya's training could be as bad or worse them Kenpachi's.

"So be it." Byakuya stated looking out the window. He could tell that both Ikkaku and Renji's sprite energy seemed to be weaker them it should be. It was as if something was muffling it. A kido spell could do that but neither of them had talent for kido as far as he knew.

"OKAY well I wanted to ask you to help me train to achieve Bankai!" Yumichika stated smiling happily.

"Why don't you ask Renji to help you with that." Byakuya asked slightly amused at the request.

"Because of a certain problem." Yumichika said with a sigh.

"Fine. I shall help you. Now well you tell me why there is a secret training ground." Even though it should have been a question or request it sounded more like a command.

"Because of the fact that Ikkaku and Renji built it to train without having to pay for any destruction or damages." Byakuya nodded slightly.

"Why do you want me to help you train after all it would be better to train with someone that has a power based sword?" Byakuya asked curiosity getting the best of him.

"I need you to not tell anyone about this! If the captain finds out them I'll get kicked out of the squad!" Yumichika exclaimed knowing that this would be the hardest part. Making sure that Byakuya didn't tell anyone about his sword. Byakuya nodded in agreement and Yumichika continued.

"My zanpakuto isn't power based. It's kido. I've been using a partial release for all of these years besides you only Ikkaku and Shuuhei know about it." Yumichika mumbled barely loud enough for Byakuya to hear.

"That is impressive. I've heard from Renji that you are a strong warrior and if what you say is true them you are a very impressive fighter indeed." Yumichika blushed. He knew that that was as close as he was going to get to a compliment from this captain.

"Thank you!" Yumichika exclaimed with a smile.

"Your training starts this afternoon. Now shall we see what those two are up to." Yumichika nodded and they both exited the room.

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**I hope you enjoyed and review plz! Pretty plz! **


	3. Where do we stand now?

**I'm slightly dissappointed how this came out! It's not sad enough!! Oh well hope you enjoy and don't forget to review. I love reviews!!!!!!!!!!!**

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Kenpachi walked into the hospital room and stared at his third seat and former fifth seat, with a grin he looked at Ikkaku. Noticing that Yumichika was asleep he decided to tell Ikkaku that he knew about the affair he'd been having behind Yumichika's back.

"Well now ya don't have to go sneaking around to fuck that bitch you've been seeing." Kenpachi stated and watched as Ikkaku shot him a glare and was about to reply but stopped when he heard a soft shocked sob. Ikkaku turned to see that Yumichika had his hands over his mouth and his eyes were wide open in shock. His lavender eyes filled with unshed tears in seconds.

"Is that why you weren't at home when I got there?" Yumichika whispered his arm covering his eyes and light sobs escaped him.

"Yumi I-" Ikkaku was cut of by his captain, who put a hand on his shoulder, and them glance at Yumichika with some pity, for the poor man who had been hurt just like this only ten years ago.

"Tell me how long have you been seeing her?" Yumichika asked his voice strong even though his heart was breaking. Ikkaku didn't have the nerve to tell Yumichika the truth but Kenpachi did.

"His been seeing her for the about a year." Yumichika's eyes fell shut as he began to sob his heart was broken. A heart that had just healed from the harm Ikkaku had done was broken once more because of Ikkaku.

"I'm leaving and I expect ya to finish yer paperwork." As Kenpachi left Ikkaku looked at Yumichika who seemed to be lost in thought his eyes showing many emotions but three stood out, confused, hurt, and most of all abandoned.

"Didn't I mean anything to you? No forget I asked that I was just something you could fuck while you found a woman to put up with you!" Yumichika stated his tear stained gaze fell on Ikkaku silencing him.

"You said that you'd protect me from anyone who'd harm me, does that include you, because right now your the only one hurting me!!" Ikkaku looked away from Yumichika feeling ashamed.

"Tell me Ikkaku did you ever truly love me or was it just pity?! Was I just something you could use? Are you just like the others?" Ikkaku turned to stare at Yumichika in shock. How could Yumichika think that he had never loved him, how could he think that he had used him, or that he was anything like the men that had raped him.

"Shut up Yumichika just shut up!" As he yelled at Yumichika all he got was a look of pure defeat and sadness.

"Why don't you ever let me say what I want, either you hit me, or tell me to shut up, if you don't like what I say!?" Yumichika mumbled his voice strained.

"Because yer an idiot, a stupid ugly fool, who wont stop asking for things, or wont shut up!!" As Ikkaku went on telling Yumichika how stupid and useless he was, he didn't once notice the blood running down the corner of Yumichika's mouth, or the tears that only came faster and faster. As Ikkaku started yelling Yumichika spoke up.

"Just leave Ikkaku. There is nothing between us! My feelings were never returned and I was a fool for not seeing that! We were happy once but that wont ever be true again! You don't love me or care about me, not anymore!! It was all just became a game to you!" Yumichika exclaimed his deep sorrow transferred into his voice.

"I do love-" But again he was cut of by Yumichika.

"NO YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME!! YOUR JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!" Yumichika screamed his voice breaking throughout the sentence as he turned away from Ikkaku and looked at the wall. Just as Ikkaku was about to respond, after minutes of silence, the door opened and in came Renji and Byakuya.

"How did it go Yumichika was Ikkaku impressed by your Bankai?!" Renji asked not noticing the tension in the room. Ikkaku's eyes went wide with shock that was what Yumichika had gone to show him, but he had told him to show him later. Them, he had gone to meet with his mistress.

"Was he impressed? You trained so hard to achieve it!" Renji continued even though Renji had been with Ikkaku when they had found Yumichika he had no idea of the fight that had happened or even that the wounds were done by Yumichika.

"NO! All that happened was I got my heart broken, again, and found out that the man I loved didn't love me back! Added to that it turns out that Ikkaku has been sleeping with a woman for that last year! How do you think that it went huh?" Yumichika hissed as he turned his head toward the window to hide his sadness and depression. Renji stared in shock at the guilty expression on Ikkaku's face. Ikkaku had told him all about how Yumichika had been beaten and raped so he didn't understand why he would harm Yumichika like that. As Renji opened his mouth to say something, he felt the hand of his captain and lover on his shoulder.

"That is why you were kicked out of the Zaraki squad." Byakuya said in the same monotone voice but his gray eyes showed anger toward Ikkaku and compassion for Yumichika. Yumichika turned to look at one of his dearest friends and the one that had helped him achieve Bankai tears shining in his eyes as he nodded.

"You'll be transferred to my squad and take the third seat position. I believe you could easily be at a higher seat them that but I have no intentions of losing my lieutenant." Byakuya stated and watched some of the happiness enter Yumichika's eyes, but it was gone as soon as his eyes fell on Ikkaku's face filled with anger. Yumichika turned away he didn't need these people seeing him like this so broken and so ugly. In a rare show of affection Byakuya went over to the bed and gently hugged Yumichika, pulling him close. Over the last few years they had become close to the point that they were like brothers.

"Don't be disappointed Yumichika you'll find someone that well truly love you and cherish you for all that you are." Byakuya said not even bothering to keep his voice down as he said that. Renji just looked at his lover and his friend. Turning to Ikkaku he asked the one thing that came about into his mind time and time again.

"Why would you do something like this? How could you do something like this?" Renji asked and watched as Ikkaku got up and left turning his back on Yumichika's grief for the first time since they had met and the last thing he heard, as he left, were words that he had never expected to hear come out of Yumichika's mouth, three words that shattered his world just like he had shattered Yumichika's. I hate you. As Ikkaku left Yumichika just cried until he fell into a dreamless sleep and Byakuya stayed there with his lover wondering what would become of Yumichika now that Ikkaku had left him what would become of his mental stability.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Renji asked staring at Yumichika's sleeping from.

"I don't know." Byakuya answered as he walked over to Renji. Renji hugged his lover and watched as more tears streamed down Yumichika's face.

**The next day**

Ikkaku walked into the fourth to check on Yumichika. Even if Yumichika really did hate him he'd always be there for his first friend and first love. As he got near the door he noticed the fourth and fifth seats of Captain Kuchiki's squad standing in front of Yumichika's door.

"Move!" Ikkaku growled and watched as they looked at him slightly frightened before answering.

"Third seat Ayasegawa-San doesn't want you to come near him." The fourth seat said looking at Ikkaku with pity. Ikkaku felt his heart stop as he heard that and grabbed both of the seated officers by their hair and slammed their heads together knocking them both out and walked into the room. As he walked into the room he saw Yumichika wiping tears away from his face. Yumichika didn't even bother to look up at Ikkaku.

"Are you okay Yumi?" Ikkaku asked only to get glared at and watched as Yumichika turned away from him.

"Do I look like I'm okay?!" Yumichika laughed bitterly as new tears formed.

"I'm worried about you Yumi." Ikkaku whispered and watched as Yumichika glared at him.

"Now your worried!! After you cheated on me and ruined our relationship! If you didn't want to be with me, if I wasn't enough, you could have just said something! You could have told me that you'd found someone else and even though it'd break my heart I'd let you go! All that I want is for you to be happy just like you made me happy all does years ago! I know it sounds like I'm foolish but if my body and love weren't enough I'd let you go! I'd let you find someone who was enough!" Yumichika exclaimed putting his face into his hands and crying. Ikkaku couldn't take it anymore so he moved toward Yumichika and held him in a tight embrace.

"Can you ever forgive me Yumichika? Can't we try to stay together?" Ikkaku asked as he held the stiff form he realized that Yumichika wasn't struggling, but he wasn't returning the hug either.

"I can't do that Ikkaku!" Yumichika stated not bothering to pull away. He knew full well that Ikkaku was stronger them himself.

"You can't love me anymore." Ikkaku stated with a defeated sigh.

"I wont shed anymore tears for you! I do love you I'll always love you!" Yumichika whispered as he pulled away Ikkaku stared at the empty eyes of his beloved lover. He sighed again, they weren't lovers anymore, they weren't friends either, because of his mistakes he had lost the one person that was truly dear to him. Ikkaku got up and walked to the door. With his back to the crying form behind him he opened the door.

"I'm sorry. Goodbye Yumichika. " Ikkaku said as he walked out of the room and possibly out of Yumichika's live all he heard was a scream filled with anguish. As Ikkaku continued to walk he realized that all he now had of Yumichika, were memories. Memories of holding Yumichika in his arms and of kissing him. Things that he knew he might never be able to do again. He remembered when Yumichika had arrived at the training field right before his training with Byakuya had started, their kiss had been full of passion and love. Their love for each other had be noticeable them. What had changed?

*******FLASHBACK*******

As Byakuya and Yumichika headed to where their lovers were. Yumichika had a bad feeling about it all. He knew that the two were mad at each other, which would lead to bloodshed, and he couldn't being to imagine Ikkaku getting hurt, because of something so foolish. As the smell of burning wood hit him he wrinkled his nose and flashed stepped faster them before trying to get to Ikkaku. As he made it to the clearing he ran into Ikkaku's arms, who had to drop his Bankai, to catch Yumichika, and hold him close. He could feel Yumichika's hands ruining his body searching for any injuries, and whispered reassuring words into his lovers ear. Renji who had been about to attack Ikkaku had to stop short for fear of hitting Yumichika and having to deal with Ikkaku's full wrath. As Ikkaku held his lover close Byakuya walked over to Renji and looked him over making sure there weren't any injuries on his own lover. As he turned to look at Ikkaku and Yumichika he blushed slightly as he saw the two lovers kissing passionately. He heard a moan from Yumichika and cleared his throat to catch their attention. Yumichika blushed a bright crimson and looked at Captain Kuchiki embarrassed.

"Who's going to clean this disaster up?" Byakuya asked in his usual monotone voice. Renji mumbled that he and Ikkaku would later. While Ikkaku pulled Yumichika close to himself and asked him why Byakuya was here.

"Because his going to train me!" Yumichika exclaimed. Ikkaku's eye twitched and he stared at his precious lover.

"You sure you want him to train you Yumi?" Ikkaku asked not to happy about the idea of his lover training with a captain let alone Captain Kuchiki.

"Ikkaku you know that I need to master kido, to be able to master my sword's powers, and Captain Kuchiki is the best at kido." Yumichika replied with a small pout.

**PRESENT (Ikkaku)**

Yumichika had been so happy about training to achieve Bankai and Ikkaku had felt proud to call Yumichika his lover after all not everyone was willing to train with Byakuya. It was a known fact that Byakuya was a tough teacher, but occurring to Renji a very good friend. So in the end he'd agreed but now that all the training had bared fruit he'd ruined Yumichika's happiness. He felt pathetic, he'd hurt Yumichika even after all that Yumichika had done to keep than together it, and everything Yumichika had gone through it was all for nothing.

"You're pathetic." Came a voice that Ikkaku recognized instantly as Suki's.

"What the hell do you want?" Ikkaku growled. He'd come on the rooftop so that he could avoid everyone and think about a way to make Yumichika happy. Now that Suki was here he knew that something was wrong and he really didn't care he just wanted to see his Yumi happy again.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before cheating on him!" Suki stated as if reading his mind.

"I now but what can I do? I want Yumichika to be happy again." He whispered drinking another cup of his beloved sake.

"Try been nice to him, like you used to be, or how about you stop cheating on him! Better yet dump that bitch, stop drinking as if it were your live, and take care of Yumichika for once!" Suki growled sparks of sprite energy glittering around her.

"Drinking is all I have left." Ikkaku grumbled making Suki growl and take the sake bottle from Ikkaku's hand. She stared at it them threw it of the roof they watched as it disappeared into the sky.

"YOUR A FOOL!! How is that all you have left huh? You have Yumichika don't you, he still loves you, maybe if you would have proof to be trust worthy he wouldn't have tried to kill himself. Don't give him up Ikkaku! He needs help even though he pretends to be mentally stable, his not, you know that better them anyone. His past has tormented him for years and now you broke what little trust he had for people. His been hurt to much for you to hurt him and abandon him too." Suki whispered her borrows furrowed in concentration and sadness.

"I don't think he wants or needs me anymore." Ikkaku stated looking at the ground remembering how Yumichika had whispered that he hated him.

"He doesn't hate you, he needs you, he wants you there by his side, and most of all he wants your love." Suki whispered and turned to leave.

"Please think about it and if you need my help Yumichika still has the necklace to summon me and my sis so don't hesitate to help call me." Suki told Ikkaku as she teleported away from Ikkaku and back to where she belonged.

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**See dissapointing! Well review!! Thank you for reading and I'm sorry for not updating sooner!! Gomensai again.**


	4. One year of suffering!

**Hello! I think I should apologize cuz this was sitting in my documents for about two weeks waiting for me to edit it but i was to lazy so yeah sorry. Anyways I hurt myself with a binder it cut me I didn't think it was possible to get cut with a binder! Any how I'm happy with how this can out hope you enjoy even though i don't know what over came me or forced me to write something like this but whatever. NOW THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT SO READ PLEASE TELL SHOULD I MAKE THIS STORY A M-PREG STORY OR NOT I'M JUST CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT YOU GUYS WANT TO READ SO PLEASE REVIEW OR PM ME ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT! Thank you! Holy cow this was 5944 words long thats the longest thing i've written thats without including this very long and pointless author note! So i'll be quite now. ENJOY!!**

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**Month One (February)**

It had been one entire month since Ikkaku and Yumichika had last spoken. Everything had fallen apart and both had given up in there own weird way. Ikkaku had taken to drinking and fighting to deal with his heartache, which he refused to admit he felt after all Yumichika was just a person he could go on with or without him. Yumichika, however, was having a much harder time dealing with his own pain. He'd stopped eating as much as he should most of what he did eat he threw up anyways. When he was to stressed he couldn't hold anything down. He was skipping dinner and barely eating at all to avoid getting sick to his stomach. He did his work and trained as was expected of him.

As the first month of their break up continued Yumichika felt lost, he wasn't happy, he could no longer pretend he cared about himself, when all he wanted was one more kiss from Ikkaku or just one look would do. It was all he wanted, to see his ex-lover one more time. Ikkaku hadn't heard about Yumichika, nothing at all, no rumors of him having a new lover, or anything to do with him. He didn't worry though he knew that Byakuya and Renji would take care of him. So he trained and got drunk there was nothing else to do anymore no one to talk too, to argue with, or.... to love. Every now and them he'd see a picture of his delicate ex-lover smiling at him and it'd break his heart to know that he'd lost that. That he'd lost that beautiful smile. Yumichika always, no matter, what carried a picture of Ikkaku with him. He didn't care that they weren't lovers or friends anymore he'd always love Ikkaku forever and always.

As the days went by Yumichika decided to return one of Ikkaku's gifts, his locket. He'd had his picture removed and sent it to Ikkaku with a short note.

_Gives this to your mistress! You said this belonged to the one you love considering that isn't me do with it as you please! --- Yumichika_

When Ikkaku saw the note and the locket it made him realized that they were through there no longer was a we or us it was just himself and his sword. He began to wear it with his own. Even if Yumichika believe that he didn't love him it didn't matter he'd always love Yumichika.

**Month Two (March)**

The second monthwasn't any better for either of them. Ikkaku had stopped drinking for it no longer helped dull the pain. All his thoughts were focused on Yumichika. He could tell he missed Yumichika. He missed having someone to hold at night or someone to train with. He missed Yumichika but he figured it'd be better to not see Yumichika again. He feared what would happen. Yumichika on the other hand was depressed his work was perfect, like always, but his eyes were dull and his movements mechanical. The fire in his eyes had long gone out. Every night he'd cry himself to sleep remembering all the days spent with Ikkaku. Yumichika longed to see Ikkaku he didn't care if he'd get insulted, hit, beaten, or killed he needed to see Ikkaku, he was desperate. Ikkaku didn't cry or act differently the only difference was he'd become completely suicidal without Yumichika to return too he didn't see any reason to live another day. As the days went by their friends began to worry more and more.

**Month Three (April)**

Yumichika started drinking, which considering he hated it when Ikkaku drank it was shocking. He did it to try and dull the pain so instead of his dinner he drank. He drank with every meal and drank before going to bed. His work was still perfect but he'd began to lose weight to the point that Byakuya ordered him to eat lunch with Renji and himself. Even that didn't work. He'd only eat half the meal with more sake. Byakuya and Renji began to worry about him. Ikkaku didn't care what he did or if he got hurt. He'd train, drink, and sleep. He started talking to a picture of Yumichika apologizing for how stupid he'd been and for all the mistakes he'd ever made. Things he could never tell Yumichika. One cold lonely night Yumichika was invited to eat dinner with Byakuya and Renji he'd gone happy to see them together. Happy that they seemed to truly care about each other. He could almost cry, he and Ikkaku hadn't had a truly happy or loving relationship since they'd arrived in soul society, but seeing someone so happy was refreshing to his aching heart. That same night Ikkaku had gone out drinking with Rangiku, Hisagi, Kira, and a few others. One of the waitresses had sat on his lap flirting as they drank. He ignored her and his friends because his mind kept wondering to Yumichika.

Yumichika had left the restaurant at the brink of tears he wanted to have what Renji and Byakuya had, he hated been alone. As he passed one of the drinking houses he heard a voice that he recognized and missed dearly. As he headed toward it just to see him, just to see how Ikkaku was doing what was left of his heart shatter as he watched Ikkaku laughing with a pretty blond on his lap. Yumichika tried and failed to not cry at the sight as Ikkaku turned and saw him he ran. Yumichika ran as fast as he could. He could hear Ikkaku call his name and heard footsteps behind him. He couldn't breath the pain in his chest was to great so he stopped and leaned against one of the walls and cried. He heard Ikkaku stop behind him.

Ikkaku stared at Yumichika he'd lost weight, his shoulders slumped, and he didn't hold his head up high anymore. He felt guilt about been caught like that. He didn't think he should care but seeing Yumichika's face filled with sorrow and pain that had become permanent and had only increase when Yumichika had seem him, it hurt him deeply. He reached forward but Yumichika smacked his hand away. Yumichika's slap was weak his hand skinnier them he'd seen it in a long time the bones he knew would become noticeable soon. Yumichika had lost weight for someone that was so skinny losing weight could kill him.

"I'm glad your happy Ikkaku." Yumichika told him as he flashed stepped far away from Ikkaku. Running home to cry in the dark, alone, with no one to comfort him. Ikkaku stood there in shock. Yumichika's words were honest! There was no hatred or remorse only a deep sorrow and it felt like he'd been stabbed in the heart to see that Yumichika still wanted his happiness above all else destroyed him as he headed home he could only think of ways to hurt himself.

**Month Four (May)**

Ikkaku couldn't forget how skinny, sad, and weak Yumichika had been when they'd seen each other. He felt the sting of all the horrible things he'd ever done or said to Yumichika ten times worse. Yumichika Ayasegawa his former lover a man he'd promised to protect, to love, to never abandon and a man who he'd betrayed so many times and in so many ways. A man who had stood there with him and never once turned his back on him. Ikkaku didn't who what to do he'd taken any mission he could trying to fight to erase his pain, but all he could see was Yumichika's own fights. Yumichika had stopped eating all together. Only eating a snack here or there his physical showed his decreasing health so Unohana had prescribed several medicines, some were vitamins, for him to take. They were necessary for he had already pushed his body beyond his limits with little energy to do so. Byakuya and Renji were beyond worried even Yachiru had found out about Yumichika's health but when she'd gone to tell Baldy all she did was mention Yumichika and was completely ignored. Even she was suffering seeing her two brother figures fighting and killing themselves hurt.

**Month Five (June)**

Yumichika had collapsed during training from fatigue, due to lack of sleep and under weight. Byakuya in an attempt to help Yumichika get better had moved him into the Kuchiki manor, with Renji and himself. It didn't work Yumichika, snapped at everyone, and hated been near people. Ikkaku heard about Yumichika collapsing he also heard that he'd become temper mental it didn't matter he couldn't stand to see Yumichika like he'd seen him the last time. Yumichika didn't care who he hurt or who payed for the damage he hated everything in his live there wasn't anything worth living for. Ikkaku had left him, betrayed, just like everyone else. Just like back them he felt alone. Only this time he didn't want to recover he wanted to die. He wanted to disappear and never feel this way again. Ikkaku had found one of Yumichika's diary's all it did was break his heart and send him closer to the edge of sanity. Yumichika had written about how much they loved each other, but that wasn't what broke his heart it was the fact that Yumichika wrote that they'd always be together no matter what that he'd always love Ikkaku. Yumichika had believe in him and he had betrayed and destroyed him that had been his thanks for all the love Yumichika gave him.

**Month Six** **(July)**

Ikkaku had locked himself in his apartment which only helped to surround him with memories of his beloved. He talked to the pictures of Yumichika which he had put on frames throughout the house. He too had began to feel lost without his other half, they were a part of each and they completed each other, they weren't supposed to be apart ever. Yumichika on the other hand had stopped crying. He ran out of tears to cry so he worked hard and started eating doing anything to distract himself. He was all alone, he avoided his friends for the most part and had started to watch Ikkaku train from afar, but he longed to train with Ikkaku and watching him made the longing all the greater. Ikkaku started train harder them ever. He'd noticed Yumichika's presence but never said anything only once did he see Yumichika as he left and he wasn't any better. He had seem Yumichika's eyes they were lifeless, dull, filled with too much sorrow and defeat. He was filled with self hatred more and more each day knowing that he was the cause for Yumichika's suffering.

**Month Seven (August)**

Yumichika was in the fourth division from the fifth suicide attempt in the last three months. Byakuya questioned him about why he'd do something like that but he was ignored and pushed away. Renji had gone to Ikkaku to tell him the news and was shocked when Ikkaku said that they should have let him die. Ikkaku had left him there in pure shock.

Yumichika had overheard Renji telling Byakuya what Ikkaku had said. He was filled with despair. He grabbed his sword and was he about to plunge it into his heart Byakuya stopped him. As Yumichika yelled at him to let him die he was restrained and tied to the bed with tears streaming down his cheeks. He yelled that they should leave him be. That he should die yelling and arching of the bed in on attempt to free himself. Byakuya stayed by his side with Renji until he finally had calmed down and began to call out Ikkaku's name, calling for Ikkaku to help him. Yumichika could only murmur his ex-lovers name over and over again in a sense of defeat.

Ikkaku's friends were beyond disappointed. They couldn't belief that he had said that they should let Yumichika kill himself what they didn't realize was that Ikkaku had said it because he knew that that was the only way Yumichika would ever be free or happy again. If he died he could escape all his sorrow and find someone that would love him. Yumichika didn't see it that way he saw it as a message from Ikkaku that he didn't want him alive so he tried harder and harder to end his life to the point that Byakuya had to put him under house arrest and taken away his sword. Anything that could be used for suicide was also removed and he was kept under surveillance day and night.

**Month Eight** **(September) **

Ikkaku hated himself today, more them usual, it was the anniversary of when he and Yumichika had met, the day he'd escaped his torturers, and it was also Yumichika's birthday. Ikkaku hated himself so much that day he bought Yumichika a cat as a gift. It was a pretty little kitten it had a white under belly, a pink nose, a black tail, and brown back. The area around its mouth was white with long whiskers, the rest was brownish, and he had an M on his forehead. He held the kitten in his arms as he entered the hospital room where Yumichika laid asleep. The kitten meowed softly and tried to take the bow he'd tied to his neck off. He saw Byakuya and Renji sitting in front of the bed as he entered Renji glared at him with pure hatred, but he didn't even noticed all he noticed was Yumichika tied to so many machines pale and far skinnier now.

"What happened?" Ikkaku asked softly as he stared at Yumichika.

"He tried to kill himself. Once he hear that you told me we should let him die he gave up completely. His been here for a few weeks now." Renji whispered them stared at the kitten who meowed at him.

"Is he going to be alright?" Ikkaku asked staring at Yumichika's peaceful face it appeared as if he were asleep if only the tears hadn't stained his perfect face Ikkaku could have pretended that everything was alright.

"If he survives he'll try again until he succeeds. It's not the first time his tried and it probably wont be the last." Byakuya stated in a monotone voice but his eyes were filled with sadness for his third seat.

"Give him this when he wakes up and tell him not to give up to live on and be strong. Tell him not to destroy himself for or because of me." Ikkaku said as he handed the kitten to Byakuya who held it gently. Ikkaku walked away and headed for home. When he arrived there he felt a single tear run down his face. _'Why have I hurt you so much Yumichika?' _As Yumichika awoke and Byakuya gave him the cat and the message he cried softly. He didn't know whether to be glad that Ikkaku had come to see him or mad that Ikkaku was still telling him what to do after the living hell he'd been put through because of him.

**Month Nine** **(October)**

Yumichika remained in the hospital a small kitten laying on his chest which he still hadn't named. Yumichika loved the kitten. It gave him something to live for, just a little longer, if only Ikkaku had been there with him he would have been happy. He looked at the ceiling his eyes showed the extent of his sorrow and depression. He was still taking all his medicines which he'd been taking for a few months now. Ikkaku had a rather unpleasant visit from Suki she had yelled and bitched about his actions telling him to go after Yumichika to help him. Ikkaku had only told her to go away and that he wasn't worthy of Yumichika. While Ikkaku and Suki argue, Yumichika and Hikari talked calmly but Hikari could see that Yumichika was growing weaker, he was killing himself . If Yumichika hadn't tried to kill himself so many times maybe he'd still be healthy but between the suicide attempts and starving himself he'd assured his death. Yumichika let out a soft sorrowful sigh as he thought about Ikkaku. How he missed Ikkaku even when they were arguing with each other they knew that they loved each other, truly loved each other, but somewhere it had all gone wrong. With Yumichika lying about his sword and Ikkaku cheating on him he realized that they probably would never be the same even if by some miracle they did get back together they'd only end up hurting each other again. Them there was the fact that Ikkaku had said that they should let him die what was he supposed to think about that?

Ikkaku had stayed at home with his heartache with memories of Yumichika how they had met, how he had beaten Yumichika and Yumichika had stilled followed, Yumichika's first kill which had left him filled with guilt, their first kiss, Yumichika's sword and their argument, and anything and everything related to Yumichika was on his mind. He growled and turned around on the futon only to stare at a picture of Yumichika. His favorite picture it was of Yumichika when he had long hair in the picture it was down and he was leaning forward a beautiful, radiant smile on his face he was wearing an azure kimono with a wisteria obi. _'Why was I so stupid? Why wasn't I a better ally, companion, friend, or lover to him? It took losing him who knows how many times to finally see what he meant to me!'_

**Month Ten (November) **

Ikkaku stared at the sky and felt his heart ache with need. It was the first time that he hadn't spent his birthday with Yumichika. He went to the fourth division only to have a small fur ball attack his leg. His throat tightened he recognized the cat and knew that it meant Yumichika was here. He heard Captain Kuchiki's voice telling someone to get Captain Unohana as he ran into the room where his voice had come from he saw Yumichika in the bed but the heart monitor had stopped and so did his heart. Ikkaku ran forward to Yumichika caressing his cheek gently and noticed that his skin was too cold. He let out a soft sob as he thought about all his regrets everything he'd never get to tell him. He was so absorbed by his thought he never noticed that Byakuya was trying to heal Yumichika until he felt a weak pulse. He grabbed Yumichika's hand and held it. Unohana arrived and began to stabilize him. As Yumichika's heartbeat returned to normal Byakuya grabbed Ikkaku's arm and pulled him out into the hall way.

"What do you think you are doing here? Haven't you hurt him enough?" Byakuya stated in his monotone voice but his gray eyes were colder them before.

"I needed to know he was okay." Ikkaku whispered as Unohana came out and looked at them.

"I'm sorry to report that Ayasegawa-san has gone into a coma." Unohana stated and Ikkaku felt helpless he couldn't help him. He'd come to get his physical done but all he got was more heartache.

"Why?" Ikkaku whispered looking at the ground.

"He has lost to much weight and his still very weak from the suicide attempts." Unohana said looking at Ikkaku with sympathy she turned and walked away.

"Attempts?" Ikkaku asked looking at Byakuya.

"Where the hell have you been the last few months! He lives here almost all the time now!! He has tried to take his life so many times now we've lost count hell we've even tried house arrest to stop him but today has been worse them any other day." Renji mumbled the last sentence as he walked over to his lover. Renji grabbed Byakuya's hand and held it gently. Trying to find some calm from the stoic figure. Ikkaku stayed there in shock he'd avoided anything that had to do with Yumichika for fear of harming Yumichika but apparently Yumichika had been hurting himself all along. Ikkaku ran into the room and stared at Yumichika. He was to bony, to pale, and far to weak he hated seeing Yumichika like that. Ikkaku walked over to Yumichika's bedside and stared down at him. Ikkaku refused to leave Yumichika, he'd realized that Yumichika was his only hope, his life, without Yumichika his existence was empty but with his own existence he'd only destroy Yumichika.

**Month Eleven (December)**

Yumichika had gone into a coma and according to Captain Unohana it was his own choice. Yumichika had locked himself away from everything in an attempt to escape the pain without dying.

_**In Yumichika's inner world**_

_Yumichika looked around it was a beautiful place. The sun never went down so it was never dark but it was never hot either. There was always a soft breeze in the woods Yumichika looked up at the treetops, there were trees filled with flowers both azure and wisteria flowers. The azure flowers in the trees and the wisteria flowers on the ground. Yumichika laid on the soft grass surrounded by flowers listening to the river, content, as he __felt Ruri-iro Kujaku lay down next to him. _

_'How long are you going to hide here?' Ruri-iro asked feeling sympathy for his master. Yumichika looked at him and smiled sadly._

_"I'm not going back if that's what you mean." Yumichika replied looking at the blue sky he noticed that it was turning gray, that the flowers weren't as colorful as they had once been, and the river seemed to not be as clear is had once been._

_'Don't you love him anymore?' Ruri-iro asked his confusion evident. Yumichika looked up at the sky of his inner world and sighed deeply._

_"I love him too much. It's killing me to be away from him." Yumichika replied softly as he began to fall into a light slumber._

_'You shouldn't have given up Yumichika. You should have held on to him with everything you had but you just gave up! To you Ikkaku is everything. He is your god.' _

_Ruri-iro said sighing as he laid back down. He pretended to not see the tears running down Yumichika's face._

Ikkaku sat on a stool, in front of Yumichika's bed, staring at Yumichika's comatose wanted to crawl onto the bed and hold Yumichika as tightly as he could until the sleeping beauty woke up and them everything would go back to normal. He wasn't that stupid and he knew better. He and Yumichika were through. He had hurt Yumichika and Yumichika had hurt him. Of course he'd hurt Yumichika worse and for far longer. He realized he'd been lucky Yumichika hadn't left him years ago, he wanted to change for Yumichika, but apparently Yumichika was done, he'd given up once more. Except this time Ikkaku hadn't been there, at all, for him and so it had destroyed him. He stared at Yumichika and leaned forward gently placing a kiss on his forehead. He wanted to turn back time to change everything he'd done, to be better for him, and to be there for him. Ikkaku sighed he hadn't realized how much it hurt to not be with Yumichika. He knew he'd have to break Yumichika's heart two more times, two more sins to add to his record, two more actions that would destroy them both.

_"You can't kick me out Ruri-iro this is my mind for fucks sake." Yumichika screamed glaring at his sword sprite. He wasn't happy at all Ruri-iro was kicking him out of his own mind which was creepy. He didn't know how much longer he had until Ruri-iro succeeded._

With a heavy heart Ikkaku watched Yumichika as Unohana did a check up.

"He seems to be doing much better. He should wake up either by the end of this month or the being of the next._" _Unohana said giving Ikkaku some hope.

**Month Twelve (January) (Back to the real story)**

Ikkaku walked slowly to the bed where Yumichika laid. He'd taken a long shower and gone home to find some clothes for Yumichika. Even though Yumichika had moved out he'd done it in a rush and left somethings behind. As he got closer to the bed and stared down at his former lover a deep, overwhelming, sorrow consumed him a feeling of despair and many what if's filled his head. _'What if he does kill himself? What if he leaves and I never see him again? What if I kill him with what I'm going to do? What if I hadn't harmed him? What if I had accepted his sword? What if I had never cheated on him? What would be of us If I hadn't cheated on him?' _So many thoughts filled his head so much regret and self hatred that only increased with each glance at Yumichika. As he continued to stare at Yumichika's pale face he noticed, Yumichika's eyes started to flutter open, slowly lavender eyes stared at him in pure shock.

"I- Ikkaku what are you doing here?" Yumichika asked his voice horse from not having used it in so long. He was shocked beyond words it wasn't the first time he'd been here but it was the first time in almost a year since he'd woken up to see Ikkaku. God he'd missed it, oh how he'd missed waking up and seeing Ikkaku, receiving a good morning kiss. He missed it all. Tears began to form in Yumichika's eyes. Ikkaku noticed and was right by his side wiping them away with his thumb. Yumichika looked at him the hurt, the pain, and the loneliness were written in his eyes. As Yumichika looked at him he realized he didn't have a choice he'd have to break Yumichika's heart a few more times so that he would let go and move one. Even if he died trying at least Yumichika would be happy in the end.

"Ikkaku please leave. If your here out of pity just get out I can't deal with this anymore. I wont be a tool to make you feel better!" Yumichika said through sobs, his breathing was shallow, and mouth was pulled into a tight line.

"I'm here because I have to tell you something." Ikkaku said and watched as Yumichika smiled viciously at him.

"What?! What are you going to tell me huh?! How sorry you are? How much you've missed me?! How much you love me?! Go to hell Ikkaku! I don't want to see you! I don't, I can't see you Ikkaku all it does is cause me pain!" Yumichika said through sobs looking at Ikkaku with dull lavender eyes. Yumichika's hair had grown slightly longer to just below his shoulders there weren't any feathers on his eyelash or eyebrow. Ikkaku reached out gently and caressed Yumichika pale cheek gently.

"I know If I tell ya those things ya wont believe me. I just needed to tell you to stop this. You have to live Yumichika! Ya can't throw away yer life so easily." Ikkaku whispered and watched as Yumichika shuck his head before slapping Ikkaku's hand away.

"I wouldn't believe you you're right about that! You've hurt me so much that I don't think I could believe anything that came out of your mouth especially if it's along the lines of you actually loving me or caring about me in anyway. Just so you know I didn't throw away my life, you did! Ikkaku you killed me, you destroyed me, you took away everything I loved, and showed me that I was right no one well ever love me. No one not you not anyone!!" Yumichika sobbed laying back down gasping. Ikkaku felt his heartbreak this was why he'd avoided Yumichika. He'd known that Yumichika would tell him everything to his face and that he'd be the cause of Yumichika's tears all over again.

"I'm sorry. I truly am sorry, so very sorry, Yumi I do love ya and I'll always love ya! That's the truth but I know I have no right to say something like that to ya after the hell I put ya through. I just wanted to tell you that I'm leaving and that I want you to be happy! Yumi I want to hear about yer happiness, I want to hear about ya smiling, and about everything good in yer live. I want to hear about how you found someone that loves ya for everything ya are and how he or she gives you all the love ya wanted. How he or she gives ya everything this world has to offer." Ikkaku stated caressing Yumichika's tear stained cheek. Yumichika's eyes had widened in shock and disbelieve. _'That's not what I want you idiot! I want my lover back, I want my stupid beautiful idiot, I want to be happy again!' _Yumichika thought desperately.

"Ikkaku you don't mean that. You love fighting and you love the Zaraki squad hell you love the captain, you love it all so much more them you ever loved me." That hurt Ikkaku more the anything could have to know that Yumichika thought so little of his feelings. That he thought he'd loved him so little and to know that those thoughts were in his head, and to just imagine the pain it most cause him. Ikkaku felt as if he'd been punched but he had to continue he had to make sure that Yumichika lived and then he'd deal with the ache in his own broken heart.

"Yeah I do. I'm going back to rukongai and I wont come back. I just need to know that you'll be alright. I need to know that ya wont kill yourself or do anything stupid." Yumichika's mouth opened slightly in shock at the serious tone Ikkaku had taken.

"Why? Why should I live huh? What is there for me now?" Yumichika asked fresh tears running down his face just seeing Ikkaku and not being able to jump into his arms and kiss him was torture.

"Because ya deserve it. Ya deserve this world and the next." Ikkaku whispered. _'You deserve so much better than this, than me. I just need to leave so that you can forget me and live on for you to be happy.' _Ikkaku thought bitterly Yumichika's eyebrows furrowed as he looked at Ikkaku with a look filled with doubt and confusion.

"I don't think you mean any of that. I don't think you care enough to think about what I deserve or anything. Your just saying what you think is right." Ikkaku sighed he sat on the edge of the bed and gently moved a strand of hair out of Yumichika's face.

"Ya can say anything ya like. I just want one thing before I leave Yumi." Ikkaku stated slowly. As Yumichika gave him a nod to continue.

"I want to hold ya one last time." Ikkaku whispered and Yumichika's heart skipped a beat as he thought of been in Ikkaku's strong arms again. It made him melt. He nodded and Ikkaku crawled into the bed and wrapped his arms around Yumichika's small waist pulling him closer to his chest. Ikkaku used one arm as a pillow and the other to hold Yumichika. Yumichika buried his nose in Ikkaku shirt and cried. He missed this, he missed it so much, he needed Ikkaku. Ikkaku rubbed small circles on Yumichika's back trying to lessen all the pain he'd caused. As Yumichika cried Ikkaku tried to comfort him. They both realized that they still loved each other to death, but Yumichika was afraid to let Ikkaku close again, to be hurt again. While Ikkaku was afraid of hurting Yumichika.

"Why most you hurt me so much?" Yumichika asked and Ikkaku sighed. He hated himself for that more than anything. When had it gotten to the point that everything they did hurt the other. When had their relationship lost all meaning and become a case of pure abuse. He didn't know how to answer so he just held Yumichika tighter. He soon heard Yumichika giggle and noticed blue eyes looking at him from Yumichika's neck. Ikkaku sighed the cat had laid down on Yumichika's neck and was now purring contently.

"But for every time you hurt me you do something that makes me love you more! Even though it's good that I love you it hurts! It kills me to know that you don't care." Yumichika whispered but everything he said hurt them both. Ikkaku was racked with guilt and self hatred there was nothing he could do now it was far to late. Ikkaku fell asleep wanting to kill himself for all the pain he'd caused Yumichika.

"I'm sorry you have to be here. I'm sorry that I have burdened you with my pitiful existence. I'm sorry that I wasn't enough that my love wasn't enough. I'm sorry that you ever found me. If you hadn't found me and I had died them you'd be happy!" Yumichika said getting into a sitting position he kissed Ikkaku's forehead.

"I wish I could just die them you wouldn't have to stay here out of guilt. Hell it would have been better if you'd left me to die when I got poisoned or killed me instead of beating me. I hate it Ikkaku. You don't know how painful it is for me to know that you never loved me that you never once loved me it breaks my heart. I've suffered a great amount of physical pain but nothing compares to this. I love you so much but sometimes I wish I had never met you that I had never fallen in love with you." Yumichika whispered caressing Ikkaku's cheek. Yumichika gasped in shock when his hand was grabbed by Ikkaku.

"Don't ya fucking say that!! Ever again Yumichika!" Ikkaku growled pulling Yumichika's hand toward his mouth kissing each knuckle softly.

"I'm not here out of guilt! Yumichika you shouldn't say shit like that you shouldn't think I don't care. I love ya!" Ikkaku growled out Yumichika's eyes were filled with tears but he shuck his head.

"You don't love me it was only lust. I was only your fuck toy now I'm not even good enough to be that." Yumichika whispered ignoring the side of him that said differently the proof that Ikkaku had loved him that they had been lovers not just friends with benefits. Ikkaku stared at him in shock as Yumichika turned his back to Ikkaku and tried to sleep. Ikkaku held Yumichika close to himself and buried his face into Yumichika's hair.

"I never thought ya would say that." Ikkaku whispered his voice filled with anguish and regret.

"Guess you don't know me at all." Yumichika responded softly his voice calm but Ikkaku didn't see the tears running down his face or hear every thought that ran through Yumichika's head. He didn't hear the desperate pleads that what he had said had been true. He didn't heard Yumichika's soft voice reaching for him trying to believe him or the fear that consumed Yumichika at been hurt again. He never heard or saw the pain that Yumichika felt that night all because before dawn he was gone. He had turned his back on Yumichika once more.

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**I cried a little writing this I don't know why it wasn't that bad! Anyways please review tell me whether you loved it or hated it! Thank you for reading and please review! **


	5. A new start!

**Wow it's been so long since I updated anything and I am so sorry for that! We moved and I found my desktop and laptop last week but we got internet yesterday. A little less then half of this chapter had been typed up but I couldn't access it from my laptop so I wrote on without the being surprisingly if fit very well a little stupid at times. I am actually satisfied with this chapter It's not to sad and not to happy but the next chapter well definately be happier and the one after well probably have my first lemon if I have the guts to write it... Anyhow I'm pretty sure you aren't here to listen to me talk so on with the show.**

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There was a time when you would have never seen Yumichika frown all because he had Ikkaku but that was the past now his gaze was filled with sorrow and longing for the man that he had loved for so long. There was a time long gone when both of them would have talked about there problems instead of running from it but now they couldn't bare to look at each other. They were to afraid of what they'd see in each others gaze. Rejection, hatred, and disappointment were the emotions Yumichika feared seeing in Ikkaku's eyes more then anything else and as for Ikkaku he feared seeing regret, fear, sorrow, and pain mostly because he didn't want to be the cause of those emotions. He didn't want Yumichika to regret what they had been and he didn't want Yumichika to fear him or be in pain because of his actions. Most of all he didn't want to see sorrow in those beautiful eyes. Eyes that had seen so much pain, that had suffered so much in years past but Yumichika had learned to wear a mask just like Byakuya acted indifferent to the world to avoid getting hurt he acted selfish and narcissistic to hide and avoid the pain, but it was still there deep in his heart. Byakuya sighed he hated repeating himself with a passion added to that it was seven in the morning on one of his few days off.

"Go after him and that's on order." Byakuya stated still keeping his voice calm even though he only wanted to go back home. Byakuya sat on Renji's lap talking to Yumichika who was still in the hospital.

"If Ikkaku left then I wont try to stop him! That's on order I can't obey Captain with all due respect." Yumichika replied they'd been going through the same argument for the last half hour. Since Yumichika awoke to find Ikkaku gone. Byakuya had gotten there early in the morning because he'd gotten a call from a hysterical Yumichika.

"Stop arguing with Byakuya ya ain't gonna win." Renji mumbled half asleep. They had both been awoken by a hell butterfly telling them to go see Yumichika which they'd done only to find him alone.

"But I want Ikkaku to be happy if he wants to go back to Rukongai them so be it I wont stop him." Yumichika whispered wanting to go after Ikkaku but also knowing that he had no idea where to being searching for him.

"Stop this shit Yumichika ya know he loves ya so go find him already." Renji growled out his chin resting on Byakuya's shoulder.

"I don't know where in Rukongai he went though." Came the soft reply as Yumichika looked up at them.

"Try to find his reiatsu." Byakuya stated his voice had on edge of annoyance to it now.

"What if he doesn't want me there?"

"That's enough Yumichika. You're stronger them this, you survived my training, achieved bankai, and mastered it all for Ikkaku. Why don't you do something for yourself now. It's time you were a little selfish." Byakuya said his voice laced with annoyance. Yumichika sighed but got up and got dressed as the shinigami that he was and shunpoed out of the fourth division. He headed towards Rukongai and realized that he had on idea where Ikkaku might be. There was a small house in the districts closer to sereitei that they had lived in together for a while but what made it special was that they had begun their training to be shinigami while living there and that Ikkaku had given Yumichika the locket that he treasured so much.

_You just thought of that! That's not very pretty of you. Ruri'iro stated laughing._

_'Shut up! I hope he's there we really need to talk.' _

_A little late for talking though._

_'I know Ruri'iro but I can't help but hope that everything will be okay in the end.' _

_Maybe it will._

Yumichika shunpoed as fast as he could and arrived there in no time. He remembered the house perfectly and knew that it had a back entrance. He looked at it and couldn't help but smile at all the happy memories it contained. He went to the back of it and opened the door gently feeling for Ikkaku's reiatsu and feeling it in the front of the house. Yumichika took a hesitant step toward the shoji door and them another until he stood in front of it. He could hear Ikkaku's voice he was saying something that he couldn't understand from where he stood. Yumichika pressed his ear to the door and listened.

"What else was I supposed to do! Stay and hurt him more?" Ikkaku's voice growled out.

_'Ya think this ain't hurting him.' _Yumichika sighed in relive when he realized he was talking to Hozukimaru and not someone else.

"What else was I supposed to do?" Ikkaku growled.

"You could have asked me what I wanted." Yumichika said as he opened the shoji door and walked toward Ikkaku who was sitting on the bed, shocked.

"Yumichika what the hell are ya doing here?" Ikkaku growled out slightly pissed off and slightly happy. Yumichika smiled weakly at him before replying.

"I came to talk with the man I love. To try and understand why he left and to try and understand how we fell apart." Yumichika stated his voice laced with sorrow. Ikkaku remained silent as Yumichika sat down on the floor in front of him.

"We need to talk don't we?" Ikkaku asked after a few minutes of silence. Yumichika nodded as he got up and went to the small fire place and started to boil some water to make tea.

"I think we both have a lot of explaining to do." Yumichika stated as he put some tea leaves into the boiling water and served them both a cup.

"I think what I want to know is why you cheated on me Ikkaku? Was I not good enough anymore? Did you simply stop craving me?" Yumichika asked as he sat down on the floor in front of Ikkaku.

"The first time I slept with her I was drunk couldn't even remember it that well. I just woke up next to her that morning. The second time you were on a mission for three weeks and I was filling sexually frustrated." Ikkaku grumbled.

"But the captain said you cheated on me for about a year." Yumichika whispered.

"It was a year but I only saw her twice Yumi I swear."

"Them why were you snicking around?" Yumichika asked. Ikkaku didn't answer instead he got up and went to a small chest that laid on one of the corners of the room. He opened and pulled out a pure white kimono with small baby blue flowers on it and a blood red one with pink cherry blossoms. He also pulled out several brushes with pearls in it and several pillows with more flowers on them.

"I was making sure these were made just how I wanted it for ya. I didn't want ya to find out about it till it was finished. She finished it two days after the last time we saw each other. I kept it as a memory of how stupid I was. I also kept it to remember all the happiness and sorrows we've survived."

"You could have told me that Ikkaku!" Yumichika almost screamed.

"Would ya have believed me?" Ikkaku asked and was shocked when Yumichika nodded without hesitation.

"I would have believed you Ikkaku I love you with all my heart! That's what made me so very sad when you didn't argue when Kenpachi said that you'd cheated on me! When you just stood there and let him say all those things." Yumichika whispered as he let his hair hid his face Ikkaku knew that he was hiding his unshed tears.

"I'm sorry Yumi. I guess I was stupid." Ikkaku said with a sigh as he looked at Yumichika. They sat there thinking of what had been said.

"Why did ya try to kill yourself?" Ikkaku asked as Yumichika turned to look at him with sad eyes, he almost wished he hadn't asked.

"Because I love you." Yumichika said simply as Ikkaku looked at him with a raised eyebrow he simply sighed.

"Ikkaku do you remember how we met and how I was killed? [1]" Yumichika asked and Ikkaku nodded.

"You gave me my happiness Ikkaku. I was always hungry, alone, or getting abused but you took care of me and loved me! You didn't judge me or try to change me even when I was acting stupid. You were everything I wanted and needed even though over time we both changed." Yumichika stated smiling sadly as he finished.

"I hated how you changed Ikkaku. You became so distant towards me. It seemed as if you hated me. You became verbally and sometimes physically abusive towards me and it hurt, but I thought it was temporary that you would go back to being my Ikkaku the one that I fell in love with. As time passed I built up a mask to avoid getting hurt or to not show how much I was hurting inside. By the time I noticed that we'd both gotten used to it." Yumichika whispered looking at the roof. Ikkaku thought about Yumichika's words and realized that Yumichika was right they had both changed.

"Do you know what I realized as well," Yumichika asked as Ikkaku shook his head he continued "I realize that I would always love you that even if I wasn't important to you as long as I had your friendship or could see you it was enough. If you beat me or raped me I'd still stand by you but all I really wanted was to be the most important person in the world to you but I know I was stupid for wanting that! I'll never be that important to you after all the most important things in your life is fighting, then Hozukimaru, then sake, then the captain, and I guess I come in at fifth place."

"I'm sorry Yumi." Ikkaku said it was the only thing he could think of saying.

"That was rather of topic but I tried to end it all because I no longer know how to live without you. I know that I can cook and work and fight but without you my life wouldn't have any meanings." Yumichika stated looking at Ikkaku with a sad smile.

"Don't smile like that Yumi." Ikkaku whispered as he reached out to caress Yumichika's cheek but stopped and lowered his hand quickly.

"How Ikkaku?" Yumichika asked curiously.

"It's fake. Even though some people might not be able to tell I can see right through it. It's to sad." Ikkaku said as he looked at Yumichika who smiled at him but this time it was tinted with kindness for him.

"Do you still love me?" Yumichika asked after a while of silence.

"Hell yeah." Yumichika's eyes filled with tears, for all that had happened to them, for all the pain that they had caused each other, and as he cried he couldn't resist moving towards Ikkaku. He got up and wrapped his arms around Ikkaku as he cried. Ikkaku held him close burring his face in Yumichika's hair. After a few seconds of thinking Ikkaku lifted Yumichika's face and kissed away his tears. Ikkaku kissed Yumichika's face, his forehead, his eyes, and his cheeks.

"Shhh Yumi It's okay." Ikkaku whispered into Yumichika's hair as he pulled him back into their embrace.

"I wont make you cry anymore." Ikkaku continued to whisper sweet nothings trying to calm Yumichika down. He held Yumichika as close to himself as he could. When Yumichika had finally calmed down Ikkaku handed him one of the cups of tea and watched as he drank it.

"You most love this! Seeing me like this so pathetic that I can't even control myself. I bet this was what you wanted to do, to destroy me, and what little hope for a happy future I had. You don't love me and it hurts Ikkaku if you just told me I hate you then maybe I could try to move on but even then I don't think I could. I would wither and die from the sorrow those words would cause me." Yumichika whispered as he got up putting his cup near the sink. Yumichika smiled bitterly as he turned to Ikkaku.

"Once I think about it long enough. I realize that you do hate me and probably wanted me to just die. That's probably why you told Renji that they should just let me die!" Yumichika continued as he watched for a reaction to his words.

"And I was so pathetic. No it's more on the lines that I was so in love with you that I didn't even notice that I had fallen!" Yumichika growled.

"I'm so pathetic I should have just stayed in sereitei or maybe I should have let myself get killed somewhere alone the journey from Runkongai to meeting you and going to sereitei!"

"I've never known ya to run away!" Ikkaku growled out and watched Yumichika smiled at him, a bitter smile filled with cruelty.

"Who's the one that ran this time Ikkaku?" Yumichika asked.

"I love ya baka. I fucking love ya with all my heart Yumi. I don't think you're pathetic and I think you're a wonderful person! So just shut the fuck up now!" Ikkaku grumbled as he laid down on the bed and closed his eyes. He felt a slight sift as Yumichika sat down next to him.

"Ikkaku I... I'm so sorry for everything."

"Whatcha apologizing for? I'm the one that was on ass ta ya when all ya did was give me ye're all. Ya gave me yer heart, yer body, and yer soul." Ikkaku grumbled he couldn't explain himself he hated dealing with his feelings. Yumichika didn't say anything he simply laid his head down on Ikkaku's chest. One hand curled on Ikkaku's chest and the other arm draped across Ikkaku's stomach. They laid there in silence which was broken minutes later by Yumichika.

"Can I stay like this forever?" Yumichika whispered. Ikkaku wrapped his arm around Yumichika's waist and smiled.

"Yeah. I'd like that." Ikkaku whispered. They both laid there next to each other and listened to the soft whispers of the wind and the chirping of the birds. Ikkaku ran his fingers through Yumichika's hair which had gotten slightly longer in the last year.

"Are ya going to let yer hair grow out again?" Ikkaku asked as Yumichika looked up at him and smiled.

"I think I will. I liked it better long anyways but with Captain Kuchiki it'll be okay to leave it long." Yumichika stated.

"Ya could have had it long in the Zaraki squad too." Yumichika shook his head.

"I had to earn their respect with the edge of my blade what makes you think that they would accept me if I had kept my hair long?" Ikkaku shook his head and watched as Yumichika sat up.

"In the sixth squad I'm respected by almost everyone because of my Shikai. Renji and Byakuya keep me company and care about me so I'm happy there. I would have been happier if we still were lovers but I couldn't ask for better friends or a better brother."

"So yer happy... wait a brother since when?" Ikkaku said in shock.

"Yeah Byakuya adopted me into the clan." Yumichika stated and Ikkaku nodded as Yumichika got up and went over to the chair where Ikkaku had laid the kimono down and gently caressed the soft material.

"Can I try one of them on?" Yumichika asked. Ikkaku nodded and watched as Yumichika silently undressed. He stared at the smooth skin and wanted nothing more then to kiss it. To kiss and lick every inch of the beautiful body and listen to Yumichika's moans as he pleasured him. To leave marks on his beautifully pale skin to tell anyone who dared to look at him that he belonged to him. Ikkaku dragged his gaze away from Yumichika's body.

_'I want him. Hozukimaru I fucking want him.'_

_I can tell. _

Ikkaku sighed. He knew he shouldn't be thinking about Yumichika like that after everything he'd put him through but he longed for Yumichika. He knew that it wasn't just lust he felt for him. He truly loved Yumichika. Yumichika walked over to Ikkaku and smiled as he stood in front of him. Ikkaku looked up and smiled.

"Ya look damn gorgeous!" Ikkaku said as he got up and cupped Yumichika's face and kissed him softly. Yumichika's eyes widened in surprise but they soon closed and he kissed back slowly. Ikkaku pulled back and smiled as Yumichika looked at him questionably.

"What are you doing?" Yumichika asked.

"Kissing ya." Ikkaku replied and watched as Yumichika's eye twitched.

"Why Ikkaku? We're not together we haven't been together in a year I can't just accept that so easily. Considering everything that's happened I don't want this Ikkaku! It hurts for me to get my hopes up and get them crushed again by you." Yumichika mumbled as Ikkaku caressed his cheek.

"I know. It's why I pulled away I don't want to hurt ya ever again." Ikkaku replied with a smirk.

"Lets go get something to eat." Ikkaku said after a while and led Yumichika to the door and they exited the house.

"Don't ya think It was a bad idea to send Yumichika out like that?" Renji asked as he looked over at his captain.

"He needs to understand that he can be selfish at times too. That he can make decisions for himself." Byakuya replied in the same monotone as always.

"Aren't ya worried?" Renji asked.

"About?"

"Well I don't know maybe the fact that Ikkaku might reject him!" Renji growled out moving to the garden in the back of their room and exited the room to see Byakuya sitting under a cherry blossom tree trying to read.

"He wont." Renji stared at Byakuya for a while before sitting down next to him under the cherry blossom tree.

"How can ya be sure?" Renji asked reaching for Byakuya's pale hand. Byakuya intertwined their fingers together before answering.

"They love each other. They just don't know how to show it." Was Byakuya's reply as he picked up his book and continued to read.

Ikkaku and Yumichika sat together in silence. They had eaten well Ikkaku had eaten and Yumichika had drunken some tea and come back to their home. They didn't know how to start a conversation anymore. Ikkaku looked at Yumichika and smiled as he read a book in the baby blue kimono he'd given him. When Yumichika looked up and asked him a very painful question that he'd already asked several times in the last hour.

"Do you love me?" Yumichika asked.

"Yeah." Ikkaku replied softly caressing Yumichika's cheek.

"Are you lying to me?" He asked.

"Why would I?"

"Out of pity Kaku!" Yumichika whispered. Ikkaku sighed he was getting tried of dealing with Yumichika's stupid questions and conclusions.

"You must hate me now more then ever after all you hated my swords abilities, my personality, and now my doubts and fears!" Yumichika stated grabbing Ikkaku's hand and nuzzling it.

" And if you do than hate me Kaku because at least that way you wont forget me. That way I'll know you'll never forget me Ikkaku that's all I need to know that I wont be forgotten… by the person I loved most in all my life!" Yumichika whimpered. Ikkaku felt something wet on his hand as Yumichika stood up.

"Here!" Yumichika threw something at Ikkaku who caught it as if it were nothing. When he looked at it he gasped.

"Ya can't be serious!" Ikkaku got up and wrapped his arm around Yumichika's waist pulling him as close as possible. Yumichika struggled for a few minutes before giving up and letting Ikkaku win. Ikkaku looked into Yumichika's eyes all he saw there was hurt in the eyes of his beloved. He kissed Yumichika softly. He moved his lips against Yumichika's slowly and got no response. When he pulled away and opened his eyes he saw Yumichika looking away, hands curled into fists. Ikkaku tightened his hold on the gold locket, that Yumichika had thrown at him, before he could say anything Yumichika spoke his voice as cold as winter.

"Don't ever do that again I already told you not to do that! I have wonderful memories of us kissing but I can't do this knowing it'll all be just for tonight and than I'll be thrown aside again. Ikkaku I came here to talk to you not to be used! You and I both know how many people have used and hurt me before I beg you don't make me add you to that list of people who I can't forgive! The people that forced me to do so many things that I regret and hate myself for." Yumichika smiled sadly before getting up and turning to walk away the taste of Ikkaku's lips still fresh on his mind. His lips tingled with the sensation of it something he had missed over the last year.

"Yumi shut the hell up! I fucking love ya!" Yumichika shook his head slowly.

"Stop lying to me Ikkaku and to yourself! I'm not as stupid as I was when you told me all those beautiful lies that I believed. I believed you when you said I was beautiful and you called me ugly. I believed you when you said you'd never hurt me and here I am hurt beyond repair. I believed you when you said you'd love me no matter what and I got abounded and betrayed, but worst of all I believed you when you said you loved me and now look at me I'm all alone again. This time my knight in shining armor isn't coming because he's the one whose hurt me…" Yumichika chocked on a sob as he tried to leave again Ikkaku grabbed him and pulled him into a gentle kiss Yumichika sobbed but the temptation of feeling Ikkaku so close after so long over came him and he kissed back slowly, hesitantly. Ikkaku pulled back and sat on the bed.

"I'll always love ya!" Ikkaku stated seriously yet lovingly. Yumichika sighed as he fell to his knees in front of Ikkaku. His body finally giving up starting to give into the need for rest knowing it wouldn't get any food or attention from its broken master. Yumichika laid his head down on Ikkaku's knee before speaking unable to make eye contact with Ikkaku.

"If you loved he so much why did you abandon me, why did you say they should let me die, why did you start hitting me, and why do you keep saying you love me when all it does now is make me feel as if all you do is pity me! I know I'm pretty pitiful right now but I've loved you for so long and I can't live like this Ikkaku not knowing why you do such things!" Yumichika got up about to go back to soul society but before he turned his back on Ikkaku he saw the regret and self hatred in Ikkaku's eyes. Yumichika's brows furrowed in worry as he watched Ikkaku put his head in his hands hiding his face from view. Yumichika stood frozen not knowing what to do after a few moments of thinking he knelt in front of Ikkaku.

"…Ka..ku." Yumichika asked hesitantly unsure of what to do. Ikkaku looked up slowly and into Yumichika's concerned eyes. He reached out and caressed Yumichika's cheek, moving a stray hair away from his face, before wrapping his arms around Yumichika again.

"I hope someday ya can forgive me. I've been so stupid. I'm a stupid jackass and somehow I got the most beautiful lover in all the worlds. You're smart, strong, and kind even after all you've suffered ya still manage to love and forgive. Ya loved me and all I've done is hurt cha. I've said that I love ya, and I do, but I've never showed ya just how much I love ya! I think the only times I show how much I love ya is when I'm about to lose ya. All I do is make ya miserable! I cheated on ya when ya were always faithful, I hit ya and you stood by me and protected me, and I've insult ya yet here ya are worrying about me when I should be the one to worry. If ya leave I know I deserve to be alone but I've always had ya by my side I can't imagine my life without cha." Ikkaku whispered running one hand through Yumichika's hair, his other hand wrapped around Yumichika's thin waist, and his face buried in Yumichika's hair.

"Kaku…" Yumichika whispered after listening to every word Ikkaku had said, he had memorized it all, and repeated it in his head again and again. Ikkaku laughed bitterly.

"Ya don't have to believe me. I can't blame ya if ya don't after all the shit I've done, but I told ya what I needed to except one very important thing… how much I love ya. I know ya probably think every word I've said so far has been bullshit after all I never tell ya my feelings and how I've treated ya…. Oh God I wish someone would make me suffer for everything I've done to ya." Ikkaku held Yumichika in a bear hug. He thought about the first time he'd ever told Yumichika he loved him they had been lovers for almost ten years before he finally told him. He could remember on exhausted Yumichika lying next to him stated from their love making. He had been smiling and talking softly. He'd gotten the guts to tell him those three words because Yumichika would always say them every morning of every day and he hadn't said them once. When he did Yumichika's shock was present but his smile the pure joy and love in those beautiful eyes. Ikkaku stopped himself he didn't want to remember how simple Yumichika could be sometimes. He was about to let go before more emotions started to overwhelm him when he felt Yumichika hug him back and nuzzle against his chest. Ikkaku could feel the soft trembling of Yumichika's shoulders and hear the quite sobs.

"Please… don't insult yourself Ikkaku. All I need is a shoulder to cry on right now and you're here for me if only for this day. After all today is Renji's and Byakuya's anniversary and they were stuck in the hospital because of me all I've done is burden those two. Besides that Ikkaku I don't care what you do to me! You've protected me for so long that I've learned to ignore the bad things, for the most part, no matter how horrible it gets and I really wouldn't care if you killed me Ikkaku as long as you're happy I'll be happy!" Yumichika whispered Ikkaku froze tightening his grip on Yumichika.

_'Selfless devotion!' _Ikkaku thought.

"I'd never think of it!" As Yumichika pulled away he reached out to caress Ikkaku's cheek.

"No matter what you'll always be my bald idiot?" Yumichika asked a smile on his face even though things with Ikkaku still weren't fixed.

"I'm not bald! Although I'll always belong to ya!" Yumichika smiled at Ikkaku and they both laughed at their antics. Yumichika's stomach growled loudly and Yumichika's smile fell.

"Ya haven't been eating well this last year have ya?" Ikkaku asked worry written in his voice. Yumichika shook his head.

"You know I can't eat when I'm under stress or depressed." Ikkaku flinched as he added the fact that Yumichika's decreasing health was also his fault and another reason to hate himself. He pulled Yumichika back into a hug which Yumichika returned with slightly hesitation but it was a start after everything they'd been through.

_'I can't live without him!' _Yumichika thought.

_Probably not! You love him to much! _Rui'iro Kujaku replied.

_'I guess so…' _Yumichika thought as Ikkaku picked him up bridal style and carried him outside where he was set on a rocking chair.

"How much do ya weight Yumi?" Yumichika looked away and swallowed.

"Ikkaku you don't need to worry about it I'm fine." Yumichika stated his posture showing his fatigue. Ikkaku was about to hit him but stopped when he realized just how violent he had become with Yumichika when he looked at Yumichika he saw the slight fear in his eyes and looked away ashamed.

_"_Just tell me." He whispered.

"93 pounds." Yumichika said after a small pause and when Ikkaku turned towards him anger visible he saw Yumichika flinch and pure panic in his eyes. Ikkaku stopped and asked a question he hoped would be answered with a no.

"Yumi have I ever hit ya when I'm drunk or abused ya? Because I can't remember hitting ya hard enough to scare ya when I'm sober." Ikkaku asked knowing very well he didn't hit Yumichika hard when sober. When Yumichika didn't answer he moved closer and moved the new kimono slight to the side showing more of Yumichika's chest and several black bruises there. He froze and looked at Yumichika who didn't meet his gaze.

"Yumi who did this to ya?" Yumichika shook his head and looked away.

"It's nothing I just had an accident fighting a hollow." Yumichika said a small trembling in his voice caught Ikkaku's attention.

"I did that… didn't I?" Yumichika didn't answer so he place his fist above the bruise and when it was identical he ran a hand over his bald head and looked at Yumichika. He thought about their conversation one statement coming to mind instantly. "I've learned to ignore the bad things, for the most part, no matter how horrible it gets," He froze realizing it wasn't the first time he'd seen bruises like that on his beautiful ex-lover.

"Why didn't you say something? You could have gone to a protection agency they would have stopped me!" Yumichika got up and wrapped his arms around Ikkaku.

"Because it wasn't you! When you get drunk you're so different its why I usually leave when you drink to much but once you followed me and Hisagi was going to kill you for hitting me! I couldn't lose you Ikkaku so I let it keep going… I… I thought that eventually it would stop but when it didn't I got used to it and I also got used to hiding the bruises from you. I didn't tell anyone I was afraid they'd hurt you…" Yumichika stopped when Ikkaku pushed him away. He fell to the ground crying.

"Please Ikkaku don't get mad at me! Please not when we're so close to being together again!"

"Ya can't be serious! I fucking hit ya when I get drunk for fucks sake I hit ya when ya were at the hospital! When I should have been trying to care for ya but instead I beat ya… How the hell do ya expect us to be together when I know that?" Yumichika didn't answer he simply got up and looked at Ikkaku for a second before he began to walk away. He was going to find somewhere to gather his thoughts or to end it all. It was to much pain to bare. Ikkaku watched him go a deeper sorrow growing in his heart when he saw Yumichika stumble and almost fall. His koi, his life, was walking away and even knowing the harm he'd cause Yumichika he didn't want him to go. Yumichika stopped still in sight of where Ikkaku stood and drew a beautiful dagger he'd put in his sleeve it had been a gift from Byakuya. He stared at the inscription.

'When things get bad don't give up get stronger and keep fighting.'

Ikkaku froze before running towards Yumichika he stopped Yumichika's arm the dagger a millimeter from piercing the skin and plunging into Yumichika's heart.

"Yumi…" Yumichika shook his head and looked up.

"Please forget you ever saw those bruises. Pretend it never happened." Ikkaku stared into those beautiful lavender eyes.

"Ya know I can't do that. I should be punished for all the pain I've caused ya." Ikkaku stated wanting someone to do something for the pain he'd caused his best friend and lover considering he couldn't do anything about it.

"What better punishment then having to stay with me when you don't want to." Yumichika whispered to Ikkaku who simply looked away. Helping Yumichika back to the small house where they ate in silence. Yumichika watched as Ikkaku warmed some water for their baths. As Ikkaku helped Yumichika bathe he never looked at Yumichika directly. When they went to bed separately Yumichika spoke.

"I'll leave tomorrow Ikkaku I realize it was a mistake coming here… I'm sorry I wasn't a better lover… I'm sorry that I couldn't please you…. I wish I could go back and change who I am, but I can't so the next best thing is for me to leave. Goodnight Ikkaku sweet dreams. I wish you the best with whatever you decide to do in this life." Yumichika said turning his back on Ikkaku and looking at the wall. Ikkaku didn't say anything all his mind could register was images of his lover's happy smile, his laughter, his loving words, his sorrows, and all the happy times that his lover should have had but didn't because he was selfish like now when Yumichika was trying to change his way of being to safe their relationship he continued to say no. After a while of hesitation Ikkaku got up and laid down on the bed next to Yumichika. When he was sure Yumichika was asleep he talked.

"It's for the best Yumichika as long as we are together we only hurt each other and I can't stand to hurt ya any longer. I'm sorry." Ikkaku whispered kissing Yumichika's forehead.

"I don't think its for the best... I think we can start again Ikkaku... If we try hard enough." Yumichika whispered.

"Ya know I hate it when ya do that." Ikkaku grumbled about to pull away only to have Yumichika lay down with his head on his shoulder and his arm draped over Ikkaku's stomach.

"Just like you with me while I was in the hospital I don't care." Yumichika whispered softly as he laid there his breathing was still shallow but he felt better he'd feel much better if Ikkaku would stop being so stubborn and they could get back to together. He for one was done running away and he was sick of crying it hurt sure it felt like his heart was shattering but he was a fighter and he would fight for Ikkaku until he died.

"I'm sorry Yumi for everything I... I'll try Yumi we'll both try to change to be a better couple... right?" Yumichika smiled and nodded happily as Ikkaku wrapped his arm around Yumichika's waist.

"AND I DO LOVE YA SO DON'T ASK THAT AGAIN!" Ikkaku yelled next to Yumichika who sat up and looked around nervously.

"Meany... I was finally sleeping peacefully..." Yumichika mumbled lazily still half asleep.

"I thought I'd make that clear now." Ikkaku said calmly as he and Yumichika fell asleep.

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**1. That's a part in The start of a beautiful friendship which could be considered a presequal to True love never dies which is the presequal to this that made no sense I think...**

**Thanks for reading please review tell me if you liked it or hated it! If you have any advise PM me or leave it in a review! Again I'm sorry for the delay but I finally got here and I think it was long enough to make up for it... it was 6066 words!**

**A/N: (August 06, 2010) I don't know when I'll be able to upload anything because I don't have internet at home and I'm with my dad till this sunday in Puerto Rico... I'm sorry about that and hope to be able to update this story and finish it as soon as I get back home. **


	6. Change

**Hello everyone I'm sorry for the fake update and for taking forever to update but my life has being rather complicated as of late... Anyways there really is nothing I want to say up here so read on.**

**Warning: mild lime scene involving Yumichika and Ikkaku Don't worry people the lemon should be in the next chapter!**

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Chapter 6: Change

Yumichika smiled as he awoke from the best dream he'd had in the last year. He smiled happily as he felt feather light kisses being placed all over his face and strong arms holding him tenderly. He opened his eyes to see Ikkaku smiling at him. Yumichika laid a soft peck on his cheek and laid his head on Ikkaku's shoulder nuzzling into his neck in a tender show of affection.

"I honestly thought yesterday was a dream." Ikkaku whispered planting a soft kiss on the top of Yumichika's head. Yumichika sighed in utter bliss he felt loved and cared for. He knew that this was where he belonged in Ikkaku's arms for the rest of eternity. He had always known that long before they became lovers he'd learned he felt happiest when he was in Ikkaku's arms.

"So did I but its not its reality. A beautiful reality." Yumichika yawned and smiled happily as Ikkaku held him tighter.

"We should get some breakfast ya need to start eating Koi. I don't like seeing ya so skinny." Ikkaku stated only to get glared at by Yumichika.

"I'm fine I already told you that, Ikkaku, I can take care of myself!" Yumichika exclaimed to Ikkaku's amusement.

"No you can't Yumichika. That's why we have to worry about you all the time. See Renji they are both still alive and well." Byakuya's calm voice stated to Ikkaku's and Yumichika's surprise. Yumichika smiled knowing that was Byakuya's way of saying I'm still

worried about your health.

"Yeah... Why... do you know how to... pick a lock..." Renji asked only to be ignored as Byakuya turned around to go back home only to be stopped by Yumichika's voice full of respect and admiration for his new Taicho.

"You two could stay here for a while. I know Byakuya that this isn't the type of place you like but we could all have breakfast together at the least. I owe you my thanks because of you I'm with the person I love most." He said softly cuddling into Ikkaku's chest. Renji grinned happy for his friends.

"Yeah like that I don't have to do paper...work." He wished he hadn't said that at Byakuya's glare but he couldn't help but wrap his arms around Byakuya's waist and kiss him softly on the lips.

"It's a cute house for the sixth district. Its actually bigger then I expected it to be." Renji said once he was done showing his affection for Byakuya.

"That's 'cause I've added to it on my free time since Yumi and I joined the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. I was hoping that someday we'd be able to move in." Ikkaku replied grumpy to have had his romantic morning interrupted by them and still he felt glad that they cared about Yumichika.

"Interesting I honestly thought It was a professional job." Byakuya stated his voice had lost the cold edge it usually had. Yumichika smiled knowing his adopted brother was trying to be kind to Ikkaku only for his sake. He had learned in the last year that Byakuya cared very deeply for his subordinates even if he didn't show it very often.

"Thanks I worked really hard to improve it to Yumi's liking." Ikkaku replied proud to receive such a compliment from a noble knowing that they had the best people building their manors and summer homes.

"Did you really pick the lock Captain?" Yumichika asked curiosity getting the best of him. Byakuya gave a slight nod as his reply. Yumichika gave a soft laugh at that surprised that a noble would do something like break into someones home.

"Where are we going to eat?" Renji asked. Yumichika rolled his eyes when Ikkaku joined him on idea for what to eat. Yumichika got up and went to take a quick shower and dress while Renji and Ikkaku talked Byakuya simply listened to then and smiled softly at the similarities between them. When Yumichika exited the bathroom Ikkaku went in to take a shower leaving the three members of the Sixth squad to discuss what would happen in the squad and how long Yumichika could stay in Rukongai. Soon the two couples agreed on where to go and left.

Byakuya and Renji left after breakfast leaving Ikkaku in charge of Yumichika's medicines and safety. If anything happened to him he didn't want to face Kuchiki Taicho about it he liked living and wanted to keep living with Yumichika by his side.

"I'm glad Yumi that cha ate well." Yumichika smiled softly as he laid on the bed. Ikkaku gently grabbed his hand and pulled him up.

"Come on I want to show ya the new bathroom, garden, and bedrooms." Ikkaku told him as he walked into the two new rooms he smiled they were beautiful he could tell that all the furniture was hand made probably by Ikkaku. The bed posts were delicately craved and engraved with flowers.

"Wow Ikkaku this is beautiful. The house has three rooms now and two bathrooms." Yumichika whispered as Ikkaku nodded. The bathroom they walked into was painted a light blue with white tiles. The sink was marvel, there was a body length mirror in it, a shower with a bathtub, and a jacuzzi.

"Do ya like it Yumi?" Ikkaku asked Yumichika turned to him and nodded.

"That's good the garden isn't done yet ya know I hate gardening and its still winter so everything is dead." Ikkaku said with a soft smile. Yumichika laughed softly.

"Then lets see what you have so far Kaku." Yumichika walked outside and smiled it wasn't as bad as the last time Ikkaku tried gardening but it wasn't perfect either. Yumichika looked at the fence placed around the back and smiled it was a beautiful with three cherry blossom trees that would bloom once spring came around and a swing set underneath the trees.

"It'll look better during spring and we can work on it even if we don't get back together." Yumichika said. Ikkaku hugged him and kissed him softly. He didn't want Yumichika to even consider the possibility that they weren't going to make it through this.

"We both were to stubborn about getting back together I mean ya rejected me at the hospital and I rejected ya here. I think we both did that 'cause we thought that was for the best. We thought we'd be making the other happy when we were only hurting each other. Maybe we should have just talked about it before drawing our own conclusions Koi." Ikkaku whispered into Yumichika's ear. Yumichika nodded softly.

"Your right. Then we should talk about why we've lied to each other or kept secrets, why we reacted the way we did, and how we can change that. At least that's what Byakuya says we should do. He says that we have no communication skills." Yumichika said and Ikkaku smiled.

"They really care about ya don't they?" Yumichika nodded and Ikkaku kissed his neck softly. Yumichika sighed happily loving the attention.

"I care about them too. They've been there for me when I needed someone to talk to and Byakuya's the one that told me to come and talk to you actually he ordered me to do it..." Yumichika said a pout on his pretty face. Ikkaku kissed him again and pulled him back into the house where they sat around a fire and simply enjoyed each others company for a while the silence was broken by Yumichika's sad voice.

"I missed you so much Ikkaku. I missed waking up next to you in the morning and going to bed with you at night. I missed all the silly fights and all the times we laughed, but to be honest I missed my friend and lover more then any of those other things."

"I did too Yumi. I could have dealt with anything but losing you like I did I hated seeing you so sad so... so fragile! I could tell ya were barely hanging on and it was killing me to know that I caused ya so much pain... I'm sorry Yumi." Yumichika looked up and smiled at him. Ikkaku watched as the light from the fire danced on his beautiful lavender eyes. They sat there lost in their own thoughts until Yumichika got up and looked out the window.

"It's snowing!" Yumichika exclaimed in pure delight and ran out the door. Ikkaku smiled at Yumichika's child like antics and watched as Yumichika spun around with a smile on his face. Ikkaku stood behind Yumichika watching him twirl around with a smile on his face. He noticed Yumichika's slight shiver and instantly wrapped his arms around him and kissed his cold cheek.

"Lets go back inside Yumi. Before ya get sick ya can watch from inside." Ikkaku whispered into his ear as Yumichika nodded. Yumichika sat by the window watching the snow fall as Ikkaku prepared them some tea. Ikkaku smiled as he handed Yumichika the cup. They sat there watching the snow fall onto the ground in complete silence. Ikkaku watched Yumichika and smiled as he noticed he was falling asleep.

"Yumi lets take a nap." Ikkaku whispered picking Yumichika up and taking him to the master bedroom. He set Yumichika down before laying down next to him. Yumichika hesitantly laid his head down on Ikkaku's shoulder and draped one arm on his stomach. Ikkaku smiled.

"Sweet dreams Yumichika and thank you." Ikkaku whispered as Yumichika fell asleep almost instantly. Ikkaku however took longer to follow. He fell into a perfect dream that turned bad quickly.

_**Ikkaku's dream**_

_Ikkaku kissed Yumichika gently licking his lower lip asking for permission which was granted instantly. He let his tongue explore Yumichika's warm mouth as his hands ran down Yumichika's sides. He groaned when Yumichika bucked creating delicious friction between their heated bodies. Ikkaku broke their kiss to gently suck Yumichika's ear lobe earning a wanton moan from his slighter lover. _

_"Ikkaku!" Yumichika gasped as Ikkaku bit down on his tender neck leaving a mark for all to see that Yumichika belonged to him. He pulled back to look at Yumichika's flushed face. With lust filled eyes looking at him he felt his cock throb with need. _

_Ikkaku grinned and lowered himself to Yumichika's neck kissing and sucking on it going lower and lower never breaking the chain of kiss. He only stopped when he reached one pert nipple. He licked it, swirling his tongue around it making Yumichika tremble and then sucking while he tweaked his other nipple he continued on for a while switching to give both on equal amount of attention. Yumichika laid on their bed panting as Ikkaku continued to tease him. He pressed his palms on Yumichika's inner thighs gently and let his fingers press down hard as he moved them up closer to Yumichika's weeping member. _

_"Ikkaku... please touch me..." Yumichika whimpered. Ikkaku closed his eyes listening to the sweet sounds Yumichika was making he opened them only to feel himself falling and to see nothing but black. He closed his eyes when he felt his stomach reject the spinning. When all was still he opened his eyes again. He was in a pitch black forest, there was no sign of life, and all was quiet. He started walking forward unsure where he was or why. He eventually started running until he reached a clearing with a giant stone on it and a waterfall. He smiled it seemed so peaceful he didn't watch where he was going and tripped on a root he fell into a pool of blood. His eyes widened in shock as he looked up to see someone on the rock. He realized in on instant that it was Yumichika. _

_"Yumichika!" Ikkaku ran towards him and watched as if in slow motion the slender body falling towards the ground. He barely managed to catch it. He stared in shock at both wrists they were cut. _

_"Yumichika why the hell did you do this to yourself!" Ikkaku growled out trying to fine some sign that his lover was still alive. He found none he felt cold and empty as he stared at Yumichika's closed eyes he could still see that tears that had been shed. The wind picked up and blew the tears away from Ikkaku's eyes tears he didn't even know he'd started to shed. He was shocked when he heard a voice on the wind. _

_"This is your fault. You left me. You didn't care about me. You only wanted to fuck me that was my only use to you. You always hated me. Are you happy now? Didn't you hear me crying for you? For you to stop me? For you to tell me you loved?" Ikkaku wanted to cover his ears he could feel the hatred, the anger in those words, that rung so close to been true. He stared at Yumichika's lifeless body begging it for forgiveness, begging the screams to stop, wanting it all to go away. He felt something sucking him out of the dream and as he left. He saw Yumichika's face wide eyes filled with confusion and fear as Hozukimaru tore through his flesh a gaping wound on his stomach. As the blood ran down his body soft words were spoken._

_"I- Ikkaku I... I still love... you." Yumichika's eyes closed and Ikkaku gasped when he saw the blood on his hands, his left hand held the sword that had ended Yumichika's life._

_"YUMICHIKA!" Ikkaku cried out in fear, guilt, and regret._

"YUMICHIKA!" Yumichika jolted up instantly. Fear for Ikkaku driving him as he looked at Ikkaku who sat up gasping, covered in sweat, and looking terrified he wanted to know what was wrong.

"Ikkaku are you ok?" Yumichika asked worry written in his voice. Ikkaku instantly wrapped his arms around Yumichika pulling him closely as he fought the last wave of nausea as he recalled the blood and pain he'd felt when Yumichika died in his arms. Yumichika wrapped his arms around Ikkaku trying to comfort him as best as he could. Several minutes later Ikkaku let go and looked into Yumichika's worried eyes.

"Ikkaku are you okay?" Yumichika asked watching Ikkaku carefully he knew he wouldn't get on answer if he asked what he'd dreamed it had been ages since Ikkaku told him his dreams.

"I'm fine." Ikkaku growled. Yumichika flinched ever so slightly at the anger in Ikkaku's voice. He sighed he should know better but he was worry.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Yumichika whispered knowing he'd get yelled at or insulted. He simply watched and waited. He was not surprised when angry eyes turned to look at him.

"I said I'm fine." Ikkaku growled out again. Yumichika looked at him and smiled sadly.

"Why did you stop talking to me about your dreams, your fears, your worries, and your joys? Ikkaku did I do something to deserve being pushed away... Do you not trust me anymore? I know you're not fine... but you wont tell me anything. Haven't you kept me in the dark long enough? I know you don't like to talk but I've been your best friend and lover for so long... well I was your best friend and lover." Yumichika turned away unable to keep the tears at bay at admitting that they were not lovers or friends anymore they could share the same bed but the feelings were struggling to stay alive in both their hearts. He waited for the yelling. He waited to be rejected again. He waited for the heart breaking words and pain. Yumichika pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in them. Ikkaku watched he knew that he'd stopped talking to Yumichika about anything but he'd never thought that Yumichika would react like that maybe that was another reason Yumichika had slipped so far. Yumichika had fallen into on abyss and was still trying to fight his way out but every time he started to rise he was pushed further down.

"It's not that Yumichika." Ikkaku stated. When Yumichika didn't even look up at him he didn't say anything else. The silence that followed was uncomfortable for both. Eventually Yumichika turned to the side his back to Ikkaku as he curled up and laid there. Ikkaku heard the soft sobs and knew Yumichika was trying to hide them. He felt guilty so very guilty. Yumichika was always telling him what he wanted to know yet he didn't tell Yumichika anything. Ikkaku gently put a hand on Yumichika's shoulder.

"I'm sorry Yumichika." Ikkaku whispered Yumichika looked at him and shook his head with a sad smile.

"I knew you wouldn't tell me anything. I knew you'd reject me and my help you've been doing it for a long time now. Sure it hurts but I knew it would end like that." Yumichika smiled sadly and got up. Ikkaku looked away he didn't want to tell Yumichika what he'd dreamed but seeing Yumichika's back as he stopped at the door of their bedroom he waited to see what he'd do.

"Ikkaku I don't know what to do to help you or to make you feel better and I'm sorry for that, but I'm here for you. I'm here to listen and help you not because you saved me in Rukongai but because I love you and no matter what happens between us I'll always be here to help you whether I'm your friend or lover doesn't matter Ikkaku I just want to help you." Yumichika kept walking. Ikkaku sat alone on the bed for a few minutes thinking when he went to the living room he found Yumichika curled up on the couch looking out the window. The joy from earlier today was gone replaced by apathy and sorrow.

"What?" Yumichika asked. Looking up at Ikkaku with sad eyes.

"I've tried Ikkaku but I'm tired of you rejecting my help. I'm so tired I mean you care about our relationship one tenth of the time if even that while I try to keep us together you push us apart. It's like you don't want me to be a part of your life. I'm not saying I didn't make mistakes but gods Ikkaku you don't know how much it hurts to be rejected to know that if you so much as ask whats wrong you get growled at like you're some kinda of low-life on intruder that's no longer welcomed. I don't know why you changed with me and I never cared as long as you were happy but I hate it Ikkaku. I don't think I can take all of that again not anymore. I just... I just want to help you. I just want to be with you. Sometimes I wish I hadn't followed you to soul society..." Yumichika sniffled and wiped away his tears and with a wistful smile looked at the window.

"I'm sorry Ikkaku... I wish it could be like it was all that time ago. Do you remember the first time you showed me the snow and the ocean? It was so beautiful and you shared that with me... I miss that. Now even after a year of being apart nothings changed you wont accept me or my help. Tell me Ikkaku where did I go wrong? Maybe I can change it! Maybe if I change to be what you want you'll talk to me again... You'll love me again." Yumichika whispered. Ikkaku knelt in front of Yumichika.

"Shush Yumi. You don't have to change anything. I'm sorry ok? I just don't want you to worry..." Yumichika smiled softly, weakly.

"And this doesn't make me worry?" Yumichika asked raising one eyebrow. Ikkaku sighed he didn't want to talk about it but seeing Yumichika's hopeful expression.

"I just had a nightmare..." Ikkaku whispered Yumichika sat up and patted the place next to himself asking Ikkaku to sit there. Ikkaku did and looked at Yumichika who gently laid his head on his lap. Ikkaku stroked Yumichika's hair softly trying to sooth Yumichika and himself.

"That's why you screamed my name... I thought we were under attack or something." Yumichika whispered looking up at Ikkaku and gently grabbing his hand and kissing it gently.

"Tell me what happened Ikka." Yumichika stated gently kissing Ikkaku's hand. Ikkaku smiled softly.

"It started out perfectly... I was making love to ya. Well the foreplay part." Ikkaku whispered as Yumichika smiled.

"Them what happened? I know that you weren't screaming my name in pleasure..." Yumichika mumbled earning a playful glare.

"No I dreamed that I was in a forest and found ya dead... ya killed yourself... It was horrible Yumi I could hear ya blaming me for it. Then I started to wake up and I found I hands covered in blood yer blood I killed ya! Hozukimaru cut a fucking hole in yer stomach and your blood on my hands..." Ikkaku shook his head trying to forget it all. He felt Yumichika's hands cupping his face and soft lips kissing his cheek. He looked at Yumichika and captured his soft lips in a loving kiss. When they pulled away Yumichika looked at him with on unreadable look.

"I'm right here Ikkaku and for now I'm not going anywhere." Yumichika grabbed Ikkaku's hand and gently brought it to cup his cheek.

"These hands will never harm me Ikkaku. These hands have done nothing but love me and protect me." Yumichika gently kissed his hand and looked at Ikkaku who smiled softly at him. He'd almost forgotten how understanding Yumichika was how he always knew what to say to make him feel better. Yumichika laid his head on Ikkaku's shoulder and sighed.

"I love you Ikkaku… I know I've said it a thousand times but words can't express how much I love you!" Yumichika whispered he felt Ikkaku wrap on arm around his waist and laid his head on top of his own.

"What are we gonna do now Yumi?" Ikkaku asked rubbing small circles on Yumichika's back.

"I want you to make love to me Ikkaku." Yumichika whispered sucking on Ikkaku's neck, gently biting down, and earning a groan from the bald man.

"No… Yumi I'll make love to you when I feel that I'm worthy of calling you my lover again." Ikkaku's voice cracked but Yumichika stopped.

"Ikkaku why would you think you're not worthy of being my lover?" Yumichika asked confused and slightly hurt.

"It's not 'cause of ya Yumi! It's just to hard ta do that knowing that I've hurt cha so many times." Ikkaku whispered knowing that Yumichika probably took that as 'your not worthy of having me as a lover'. Yumichika sighed he would accept Ikkaku's decision he didn't like it but he would accept it.

"Ikkaku you're more then worthy… but I accept your decision." Yumichika said calmly contempt with the love bite he'd left on Ikkaku's neck.

"Thank you Yumi." Ikkaku stated when Yumichika yawned he smiled knowing that Yumichika wasn't usually lazy or slept during the day but he did like taking naps with Yumi so he picked him up and carried him bride style back to their room.

"You're tried love." Yumichika smiled and nodded. Ikkaku leaned forward and kissed his forehead gently.

"Sweet dreams Yumi." Ikkaku whispered as he was tucked him under the covers. He hugged Ikkaku's pillow and was asleep in minutes. Ikkaku smiled softly and caressed Yumichika's cheek. He wanted to change this time for good he was sick of seeing Yumichika like that. He sighed wondering when Yumichika had started to suffer from depression but not really wanting to find out. He sighed and headed out toward the market he felt the need to get Yumichika something.

He walked around unsure of what to buy him. He walked from stall to stall looking at necklaces, bracelets, kimonos, and sweets but couldn't find anything that Yumichika would be happy about he wanted something cute for his pretty boy. Something that his lover would consider beautiful. He felt frustrated when he couldn't find anything he thought Yumichika would like with a groan he flopped down on a bench and watched a young couple walk by holding hands and laughing. It made him feel guilty he'd left Yumichika alone. He hated himself for breaking his promises to his lover and for lying he knew it was wrong but he'd do anything to make Yumichika happy. He sighed when he felt someone sit next to him.

"You're on asshole you know that right." Came a soft melodic voice that he'd come to hate. He turned to look at the woman sitting next to him. She had long black hair kept in a long braid, her bangs covered her forehead. She was only a little bit shorter then Yumichika and had the same color eyes. She was a pretty woman.

"How so? I told ya I didn't love ya. I don't see why the hell ya thought I was lying Nene." Ikkaku growled he hadn't thought she'd be here. Not after the last time they saw each other.

"That's not what I meant... I was your mistress I know that and you left me for Yumichika then tell me why you're not with him right now... Why he's been single for a year now." Nene asked watching, waiting, for a reaction. When Ikkaku looked down and sighed she knew she'd finally get her answers.

"He found out Nene. He fucking found out I cheated on him... We broke up and he fell into a depression and got suicidal." Ikkaku mumbled he'd only been with Nene because she looked so much like Yumichika but now thinking about it he'd been a fool to think that she'd ever replace his Yumi. They were complete opposites where Yumichika was selfless and expected next to nothing from him she expected everything and was selfish. Where Yumichika loved himself and believed he was beautiful Nene, however, saw herself as ugly and hated herself.

"Oh is he okay? I know that he and I never got along but I never wanted or meant to hurt him." However the one things she shared with Yumichika was her compassionate nature. He sighed and shook his head he knew better then to lie to her or Yumichika they could both read him like a book. He smiled weakly.

"I'm here to get him a present but I don't know what to get him... I want something he'll love and think is cute or something! A positive reaction. I want to see him smile again... I hate that all I do is cause him pain and yet he stands by me and loves me no matter what... I- I .." Ikkaku didn't need to finish what was on his mind Nene's sad smile told him everything.

"You found out about the beatings you gave him... Didn't you?" Ikkaku felt his blood boil. She'd known! She'd fucking known and hadn't told him anything about it how dare she sit there and pretend she gave a damn about Yumichika. Before he could say anything Nene shook her head.

"He made me swear to never tell you... He wanted to make you think he was happy and that you were the greatest lover out there but his been suffering for far longer them you think Ikkaku. He deserves some happiness in this life. I mean he gave you something to live for yet you're taking his life away." Nene whispered waiting for Ikkaku to explode to yell like he always did when it didn't happen she turned to look at him.

"I need to change. Don't I?" Ikkaku whispered scratching the back of his head with a sigh. He hated lying to Yumichika but he'd done it several times in the past including how long he'd been seeing Nene and how many times. He hated himself for lying but knew it was better that Yumichika didn't know the whole truth he'd hate to see his reaction.

"Yeah... He loves you and he deserves to be loved back." Nene took a deep breath she hated admitting that Yumichika deserved anything years upon years ago she had competed against him for Ikkaku's love and attention she'd lost but when she'd gotten the chance to sleep with Ikkaku she had taken it hoping to convince him that she was far better then Yumichika. However, she had never meant for Yumichika to get hurt sure she envied him but she didn't want him to die.

"I know..." Ikkaku whispered.

**Yumichika**

Yumichika awoke all alone and sighed. He wasn't surprised and he wouldn't be surprised if Ikkaku didn't come back until tomorrow but he hoped it wouldn't be like that. With a heavy heart he got up and went to the living room trying to find something to do. Something to distract himself. He sighed when he didn't find anything. He decided to go outside. He looked at the light sheet of white on the ground and smiled. It was beautiful and quiet. He smiled. He was going to practice his kido for once over the last year he'd come to enjoy the power and control he felt while preforming kido. He trained for a while before his mind began to wonder to his bald headed companion. He didn't know what attracted him and attached him to the man but there was something that kept him there. He'd learned years ago that it wasn't gratitude for saving him he'd repaid that debt a long time ago.

_'Damn it all to hell! I can't concentrate on anything now...'_

_Or ever. Yumichika you need to calm down Ikkaku well come back this time. He wont leave you again I doubt Hozukimaru well let him. _

_'What do you mean Ruri'iro Kujaku?'_

_Hozukimaru and I believe that you two belong together whether we like it or not it's meant to be. Even though I think you can do way better. _

_'I don't think so... I think Ikkaku is the only man out there that would want someone like me.' _

_Go inside you're gonna get sick and Yumichika you're loved by a lot of people don't forget that. _

Yumichika sighed again. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

**Ikkaku**

He growled he was being dragged around by Nene to so many stalls to buy things that he didn't give a damn about but according to Nene Yumi would. He'd gotten a baby blue silk scarf, several bracelets and rings, as well as necklaces. He'd been forced to buy make-up and flowers. The only thing he actually liked about all that was the stuffed bear. It was white and held a heart which opened to reveal the bracelets, rings, necklaces, and make-up. Nene had wrapped the scarf around the white bears neck with a smile. Ikkaku grumbled a few curses at the looks he was getting walking home carrying the giant bear. He knew Yumichika would like it but it didn't mean he had to enjoy carrying the damn thing.

Ikkaku opened the door and sighed in relief when he was able to set the bear down on the sofa. He went in search of Yumichika when he walked into the bedroom to find him gone. He walked outside to see Yumichika sitting on the porch with a cup of hot tea in his hands. He looked depressed.

"Are ya okay?" Ikkaku asked startling Yumichika out of his thoughts with a jolt.

"You scared me!" Yumichika stated with a pout even though inside he was dying of happiness glad that Ikkaku had come back. Ikkaku realizing that Yumichika probably thought he wouldn't come back sat down next to Yumichika and wrapped on arm around his shoulders pulling Yumichika toward his chest. Yumichika sighed and cuddled into Ikkaku's chest with a contempt sigh.

"I'm sorry Yumi. I thought I'd be back before ya woke up." Ikkaku said kissing the top of Yumichika's head gently.

"It's okay. I don't expect you to spend every waking moment with me Ikkaku." Yumichika said but he knew he wished that Ikkaku would spend every minute of every hour of ever day with him. He wanted to be loved again.

"I should spend every moment with ya after all the shit I've put ya through. I got you something by the way." Ikkaku whispered and sighed glad that he stopped drinking it'd saved him a lot of money which he could spend on the person that deserved it.

"Really?" Yumichika asked looking up at him with curiosity written on his lovely face. Ikkaku smiled at the innocent look.

"Come on... want me to carry ya?" Ikkaku asked with a smile. He watched Yumichika hesitate for on instant before nodding. Ikkaku's smile got wider as he lifted Yumichika up and carried him to their living room. Yumichika smiled when he saw the stuffed bear. It was adorable.

"Aah it's so cute!" Yumichika squealed hugging it. He grabbed the scarf and smiled it was beautiful. His faced turned into a mask of confusion when he felt that the heart was not stuffed but wood. He caressed it and realized it had something inside it. He laughed softly when he saw the accessories in it most had his birth stone in it. There were two rings matching ones. One for himself and from the looks of it the other was for Ikkaku. He smiled at that he knew that Ikkaku would only wear it when Yumichika gave it to him it was Ikkaku's way of saying that they would take everything at his pace now. He looked at the three necklaces and their matching bracelets they were beautiful. All three were gold one had sapphire in the shape of a heart as the center piece, the other had it as a tear gem, and the third was in in the center of a flower. He smiled they were beautiful.

"Ikkaku you shouldn't have. My pretty Sapphire was enough oh... I forgot him at the hospital... Oh my... that's not good." Yumichika mumbled. Ikkaku stared at him in shock he hadn't expected Yumichika to care about the cat just give it away or something. When he saw Yumichika's worried expression he sighed.

"Byakuya probably has him in the manor spoiling the fur ball to death." Ikkaku stated with a small smile thinking of the mighty head of the Kuchiki clan taking care of a cat. He couldn't help but laugh. It was ridiculous.

"Byakuya does like Sapphire says he looks like a pure breed and he does spoil him. Sapphy only gets fresh fish for food and gets groomed everyday." Ikkaku sweat dropped he had not expected that. Seeing Yumichika's happy expression though made him want to go up to the stoic noble and hug him. Not that he'd dare do something like that.

"Do ya want me to go get him?" Ikkaku asked watching Yumichika try on all his new accessories. Yumichika smiled and shook his head. He got up and walked over to where Ikkaku stood and hugged him before kissing him softly on the lips.

"Thank you Ikkaku." Yumichika smiled lovingly at him before grabbing the bear and heading for their bedroom. Ikkaku walked in and watched Yumichika set the bear on top of a shelve with a joyous smile on his face. Ikkaku sighed Yumichika was so happy from something so simple. He knew that Yumichika was that way and yet he took it for granted. He'd always thought if he forgot a birthday or holiday Yumichika would still be there the next year, but now he realized how wrong he'd been Yumichika could have died on the battlefield the next hour or day. He looked away feeling ashamed and guilty. He didn't notice Yumichika watching him with a worried expression until he felt soft hands cupping his face.

"Are you okay?" Yumichika asked a mixture of worry and fear in the those beautiful lavender eyes. That was something he had to change Yumichika shouldn't be afraid to ask him anything.

"I'm fine Yumi just wishing I hadn't been such an ass to ya. Ya don't need to be afraid when ya talk to me... I know in the past I've reacted badly but Yumi I want ta change. I want us to be like we were back in Rukongai." Ikkaku whispered watching Yumichika smile sadly.

"Ikkaku you've said that a million times yet you never change!" Yumichika shuck his head not believing Ikkaku could change or would change not for him at least.

"Yumi please help me change. Help me become someone ya can be proud of loving not afraid off." Ikkaku sighed he knew it'd be hard but he was going to try. Yumichika watched and sighed he wanted to trust Ikkaku to give him a chance but it was difficult. He'd realized how little he meant to the other man and thinking about it hurt him. He smiled softly and gently kissed Ikkaku.

"I'll help you Ikkaku but I don't know if it'll work and I don't want to get my heart broken again. I want this to work but... I want it to be because we both want it to work. I want it to be like when we first fell in love. Do you remember?" Yumichika whispered watching Ikkaku smile and nod. So he continued.

"I want it all to be like the first time we admitted to loving each other I want it to be special, dear, and pure for both of us. I want it to be as beautiful as it used to be." Yumichika whispered watching Ikkaku carefully. Ikkaku smiled softly.

"I'd love that." Ikkaku whispered with a silent vow to change.

* * *

**Well I hope you enjoyed the update and again I'm sorry I took so long to update now I have to go do my hw isn't that great I have to write a paper after writing to chapters for two of my stories seems I wont get a break from writing today :D. Please review tell me what you think or what you'd like to see happen etc. **


	7. Love

AN: I know it's been forever sad thing is I have this chapter and two others just sitting on my computer waiting to be edited lol I got lazy... I also started a new story called Deadly Love hope you'll go and check out. This is my first lemon and Idk what to think. I'm relatively happy with this chapter not sure what you guys well think but here goes nothing. Enjoy!

Warning: Lemon

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Chapter 7: Love

Yumichika cuddled into Ikkaku's chest letting his breath ghost over the tan skin. Ikkaku suppressed a groan it was getting harder and harder to resist Yumichika who had been trying to seduce him everyday for the last week. He felt Yumichika's hand curl on his shirt and when he opened his eyes he couldn't help but smile at the peaceful expression on the gorgeous face. He sighed he'd been a fool for ever thinking that letting Yumichika go would be easy and he was sorry, so very sorry, that any of that had even happened. He felt Yumichika nuzzle his chest and smiled as he tightened his hold on Yumichika's waist.

"You're too fucking adorable Yumi..." Ikkaku grumbled as a small smile played on Yumichika's sleeping face. He sighed and watched Yumichika sleep for a while before the sleeping beauty opened his eyes and looked at Ikkaku in slight surprise. It'd become extremely rare for him to wake up in Ikkaku's arms but for the last week it had been happening, but it was still shocking, as the shock began to fade he smiled Ikkaku was still there.

"Thank ya Yumi." Ikkaku whispered kissing Yumichika's forehead. Yumichika's eyebrows furrowed in confusion Ikkaku had been thanking him every morning and night yet he didn't know why, but he wanted to know, he needed to know. He sighed he knew he wouldn't get an answer until Ikkaku was ready to tell him. Well he had gotten on answer but he didn't really know what Ikkaku meant _'Thanks for everything Yumichika, for more things then ya'll probably think worth thanking ya for.'_

"Good morning Kaku. Did you sleep well?" Yumichika asked sleepily.

"Yeah what about ya pretty boy?" Yumichika smiled softly he'd been sleeping perfectly for a while now, it was amazing how easily sleep came to him when Ikkaku was next to him.

"Perfect." Yumichika said with a soft sigh as he stretched hearing his back pop. Ikkaku smiled as Yumichika got up and went into the bathroom to take a shower. He would have to go to Captain Kuchiki and find out everything that had happened for the last year but he wasn't sure he was ready to face that demon anytime soon. When Yumichika came out almost on hour later Ikkaku couldn't help but laugh his Yumichika was slowly coming back.

"What's so funny Kaku?" Yumichika asked with a pout. Ikkaku couldn't help but grin.

"Nothing Yumi... Nothing at all." Ikkaku chuckled as Yumichika continued to pout and started to get dressed. Ikkaku stood behind him and kissed the top of his head lovingly running his fingers through Yumichika's hair. He headed to the bathroom after kissing Yumichika. As he stood under the warm water he couldn't help but wonder if he should do something to make up for all the holidays that he'd missed in the last year anniversary, Valentines, Christmas, New Years, etc. He sighed he wanted nothing more then to demonstrate his love for Yumichika in anyway possible. He smiled he had a few ideas. Yumichika sat on the bed waiting for Ikkaku to get ready for once he was ready before Ikkaku although he did take an hour in the shower. As Ikkaku got out of the bathroom and went over to where Yumichika sat he smiled.

"Yumi ya know what we should do?" Ikkaku asked when Yumichika shook his head he continued.

"Lets go visit Kuchiki-Taicho and Renji." Ikkaku said and watched Yumichika smile brightly.

"I love that idea! I bet they'll be glad to see us." Yumichika stated as he got up and headed to the door. They would set out as soon as possible even though Ikkaku doubted they'd be back to Rukongai anytime soon.

**Sixth Division Head Quarters**

Renji sighed, again, he hated paper work and it was very difficult to concentrate on such a stupid thing when the hottest man alive was sitting right in front of him. He let out a growl ready to beg Byakuya for on early lunch break or tea break or some type of break. Byakuya smiled lovingly as he watched his lover struggle to do his work, again. He himself had been distracted lately they hadn't heard any news on Yumichika or Ikkaku all they could do was hope for the best. He got up and walked towards the window. Renji watched him with an amused smile as he got up and moved to Byakuya's side wrapping his arms around Byakuya's waist.

"What's wrong Renji?" Byakuya asked as he laid his hand over Renji's. Renji sighed he knew that Byakuya was just as worried about Yumichika and Ikkaku, well more likely just Yumichika, but still it was so hard to go on with their daily routines as if things were perfectly normal.

"Nothing just worried about those two idiots." Renji mumbled as he sucked on Byakuya's ear lobe. Byakuya moaned quietly enjoying the touch a bit too much for his liking. He smiled knowing that only Renji could make him feel like this, as if he'd done nothing wrong, that he was the center of attention, that he was perfect, and that nothing could go wrong. He sighed and turned in the circle of Renji's arms. He gave Renji one of his rare smiles and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"You know they'll be fine and you know that you have to do your paperwork Abarai- Fukutaicho." Byakuya stated calmly earning a glare from Renji. Renji returned to his desk annoyed. Byakuya sat back down and attempted to work but he couldn't even read the first sentence without getting distracted by Renji's constant sighing. He smiled feeling a familiar spiritual pressure coming towards them.

"Renji." Byakuya said quietly which instantly caught Renji's attention.

"What is it Byakuya?" Renji asked curious about what could cause his lover and captain to stop working so suddenly.

"Yumichika and Ikkaku are coming this way..." Byakuya spoke as if it were nothing important but Renji knew better. They both got up and headed for the gardens. There they would wait for Yumichika and Ikkaku.

**Yumichika and Ikkaku**

Ikkaku was annoyed, almost pissed off, Yumichika refused to walk beside him. It had become a habit that Yumichika walk behind him like a woman or someone of lower rank.

"They're waiting for us already." Yumichika whispered. Ikkaku turned to look at Yumichika wondering who he was talking about then he realized he most likely meant Kuchiki-Taicho and Renji. He smiled glad that Yumichika had people that cared about him.

"Renji and Byakuya really love ya." Ikkaku mumbled. Glad for Yumichika, he couldn't help but smile at Yumichika's excitement something that he'd missed. Yumichika was excited for once not pretending to be so that Ikkaku would be happy.

"I'm happy Ikkaku. I finally found other people that see the real me. That don't try to make me something I'm not, something that I could never be." Yumichika whispered. Ikkaku felt a slight pang of guilt he knew the real Yumichika yet he hadn't noticed the changes, the pain, the loneliness in his eyes. He had known Yumichika forever or what felt like forever yet it took finding out that he'd been beating Yumichika while drunk, that Yumichika was taking anti-depressants, and that he was suicidal to bring some light into his world. He frowned wondering what Emiko would think if she knew what was happening between them. Better question what would the demon that was Hotaru do to him.

"Yumi do ya ever wonder what happened to Emiko and Hotaru?" Ikkaku asked wondering not for the first time what had happened to their old teachers. The first people that they became friends with.

"All the time Ikkaku I heard Emiko finally took the throne as the head of the Tomari clan. Poor Hotaru most have been furious. I mean they were hopelessly in love with each other in Rukongai, at least there gays and lesbians aren't rejected like they sometimes are here, and now they're in the same boat that Renji and Byakuya were or still are in. The clan rejecting the relationship because of lack of on heir, is the main problem, if not as long as they're equal in military rank or power the clan elders usually mind their own business." Ikkaku nodded he knew that Emiko would do anything for Hotaru it wouldn't surprise him if she busted a few heads to get her way. He couldn't help but chuckle.

"Can ya imagine Hotaru's temper if the elders of Emiko's clan tried breaking them up after the hell they went through to be together. All hell would break loss." Ikkaku stated with a chuckle Hotaru had trained him to use Hozukimaru she was one of the only women he looked up to as a superior of sorts she was strong and confident, but had a vicious temper that could be lit by anyone at anytime, well anyone but Emiko, and then there was the mysterious Emiko she was Yumichika's teacher and he was willing to bet anything she gave him the idea of how to hide Ruri'iro Kujaku from him. If not she taught him how to she was a master at kido and hand to hand combat.

"That's true Hotaru's always been very protective of Emiko I don't know why Emiko's as tough as a nail when she needs to be... but..." Yumichika stopped remembering Emiko's crying face when she thought Hotaru had died. All those years ago when Hotaru had picked a fight that she couldn't win. He shook his head the sight of those chocolate brown eyes and usually cheerful face tear stained and frightened would always haunt him.

"But what Yumi?" Ikkaku asked concerned.

"But Emiko hates killing with a deep passion and if I were honest I do too, sure I do enjoy fighting, but I hate having to kill. I always think what if they have a family or someone waiting for them to come home, of course, that doesn't apply to hollows unless they're arrancars then I still have conflicting feelings about it. On top of that I hate thinking of how I might lose you to a battle... It hurts Ikkaku because every time someone almost beats you I think of when you asked Kenpachi to kill you and Gods Ikkaku it hurts me to the very depths of my soul." Yumichika whispered the joy was gone as they both remembered how that ended up. Ikkaku grabbed Yumichika's hand he didn't care that they were in the middle of a street as he kissed Yumichika's hand softly.

"It wont happen again Yumi ya know that! I promised ya that I'd never go down without a fight again..." Yumichika shook his head in disappointment.

"You already broke that promise too Ikkaku, twice, in the recent years. Once with Ichigo you were alone and you didn't use your bankai! What if he hadn't patched you up I would've lost you Ikkaku. If Ichigo were anyone else he would have left you there to bleed to death! What would I have done than Ikkaku... The second time was during the winter war again you refused to use your bankai and you got hurt what if you'd died Ikkaku. When the pillar fell I was so terrified that you were dead nothing mattered but getting to you. When Hisagi got in my way I wanted to kill him I didn't care who it was whether it was friend or foe in my way, but I was useless I was knocked out by Kira... my last thought was that I'd wake up alone... That the first news I'd get were that you had died." Yumichika whispered hoarsely. Ikkaku pulled him into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry for that Yumi." He grabbed Yumichika's hand and began walking towards the sixth division.

"What about Suki and Hikari I haven't seen either one of them for a while?" Yumichika asked after his blush had disappeared and trusted his voice to not break in the middle of a sentence.

"Ya know how they are they come and go... Being a pain in the ass all the time." Ikkaku grumbled why were all the women in his life a pain in the ass although they were almost always right. They continued to walk in perfect harmony and all the way he never once let go of the soft hand in his. He wasn't going to hide his love for Yumichika any more. He was done hurting Yumichika he'd vowed to change and he would. Yumichika smiled happily for the rest of the walk to the gardens in the Sixth Squad, his hand fit perfectly in Ikkaku's.

As they got to the garden they found Byakuya and Renji waiting for them. Renji was holding Byakuya's hand and smiled when he saw Ikkaku leading Yumichika holding his hand. It was a tender sight, it was different from the normal way Ikkaku and Yumichika walked when people might see them together. Byakuya watched as Ikkaku and Yumichika sat down in front of them. They talked for a while about almost anything and eventually left for the manor. Ikkaku wanted to do something special for Yumichika but wasn't sure who to ask for ideas Rangiku was out of the question and almost everyone he could think of so he had asked Renji who had told him to go talk to Shunsui. That made him feel stupid since he knew Shunsui and Ukitake had been lovers for a long time. Hell he hoped he and Yumichika could be together that long. Yumichika was lead away by Byakuya to talk which had apparently become common for them in the last year.

"Guess we're gonna go see Shunsui 'bout yer issues with Yumi." Renji stated as he turned to look as his old friend and former teacher. Ikkaku nodded as they left in silence.

**Byakuya and Yumichika**

Yumichika smiled at his older brother when he asked how Ikkaku had treated him in the last week Yumichika didn't have any complaints. Byakuya, however, seemed distracted by something.

"What's wrong Kuchiki-Taicho?" Yumichika asked as Byakuya finally returned his attention to Yumichika.

"What do you know about the Tomari clan?" Byakuya asked slowly as if he didn't want anything to do with what was going on. Yumichika was slightly surprised by the question.

"It's one of the Great Four Noble Clans, it usually has a female head and they're famous for their use of kido, and water based zanpaktou's. The current head is on old friend of mine, my teacher from Rukongai, Emiko Tomari. Her zanpaktou is Yami no Umi or Wave of Darkness it allows her to heal almost any injury on herself, as well as her friends, and turn any water into a weapon. She's good at hand to hand combat although her lover is better at it than her, but she has a deep hatred for killing. She has a female lover, which was a problem a few years ago, her name is Hotaru and her zanpaktou is Amaterasu or Shining over heaven it's a fire based zanpaktou that burns anything that Hotaru concentrates on or swings at with her blade. It's almost like the Sotaichos except the fire is blackish blue. They're both very strong, kind, intelligent women who have suffered greatly and struggled to be together. I never got to see their bankais so I can't tell you anything about them." Yumichika stopped knowing that if he kept going he might say something he shouldn't. His worries disappeared when he heard the soft laughter that could only belong to Emiko he turned and smiled softly his sight blurry from tears of joy.

"Emiko!" Yumichika exclaimed and hugged the smaller woman. He was shocked to see her again when they had all said their goodbyes in Rukongai Hotaru had said it would probably be the last time they'd see each other but here he was with Little Emiko. He almost laughed if Emiko heard the nickname Ikkaku had given her she'd be mad. She was very small and delicate she was only 5'0. She was as light as a feather which had given Ikkaku the idea of calling her Little Emiko even though Emiko had been furious when she found out.

"Hello Yumi-chan you cut your hair! I liked it better long, but I'm guessing that ungrateful idiot that's Ikkaku told you to cut it..." Emiko mumbled over the years they'd known each other she started telling him things as she saw them instead of what was expected of her as the head of a clan.

"Did I do the right thing by trusting her Yumichika?" Byakuya asked his defenses weren't up like they usually were. Yumichika smiled at him.

"I never thought I'd see her again! She was like my older sister she taught me kido, well the basic, and how to use my shikai and how to hide it... She's the reason I survived that plague in Rukongai and she played matchmaker between Ikkaku and me!" Yumichika whispered as Emiko sat down to Byakuya's right.

"Hold on if you're here then..." Yumichika didn't finish his sentence Emiko was smiling a small mischievous smile that he had come to hate in a very short time. The first time he saw it Ikkaku had ended up in pain, a lot of pain.

"Hotaru is gonna pay Ikkaku a visit." Emiko stated drinking the tea that had just been placed in front of her by a servant. Yumichika almost winced if he knew anything about Hotaru it was her love for a good fight, much like Ikkaku, and her defensive nature towards anyone she cared about. Byakuya's small smirk didn't calm Yumichika down. Both nobles looked like cats playing with a mouse.

"You should be glad that I didn't let either Hikari or Suki help Hotaru that would have been too cruel even for my tastes. I've heard what happened between Ikkaku and you. I felt the need to come see you, both of you, but by the time Byakuya and I met up you were in Rukongai." Emiko mumbled and docked as a knife flew at her head. She sighed as Hikari and Suki came in.

"I hate you." Hikari stated in typical Hikari style she was annoyed they all had a bone to pick with Ikkaku right now yet Emiko was as calm as she was infamous for being even in battle.

"Hate me if it makes you feel good, I'm not the one ruining my soul by doing so, and besides I want to be out there as much as anyone else we all want Ikkaku to learn a valuable lesson." Emiko stated in a perfect monotone voice. Byakuya watched her when he had first met Emiko she had been a lot like Yoruichi except a lot more annoying, but now she was a perfect noble, no, she was acting the role she'd been raise to fill-in since before he'd been born. Rumor had it that Emiko had been trained by Ukitake and later Yamamoto Sotaicho to fill in as the next Sotaicho when he died or was killed.

"What are you three going to do to my Kaku?" Yumichika asked becoming more worried by the second. The three women in the room smiled softly they just wanted Ikkaku to stop being a dumb-ass no matter what the price was they were going to teach Ikkaku a valuable lesson.

"Wait Yumichika we still have one more guest coming." Byakuya spoke up over Hikari's growls and Emiko's taunts, more like smart ass replies since she didn't taunt, that only helped to fuel Hikari's rage. As the door to the gathering room was opened and Captain Ukitake came in Yumichika sat there confused. His confusion grew when Hikari, Suki, and Emiko bowed their heads in respect.

"It's been a long time sensei." Emiko said as she smiled. They all began to try to catch up in their respected absences. Yumichika felt glad to be among these people they were so much like him and he loved each one of them uniquely. Emiko had been his teacher and was like a sister, Suki and Hikari were his best friends other then Ikkaku, Byakuya was his Captain and idol, as well as, his brother, and well who didn't love Ukitake–Taicho he was the person you could go to for anything and everything.

**Ikkaku and Renji**

Ikkaku had a horrible feeling that everything was going to go wrong soon, but he choose to ignore it and kept walking towards Squad Eight's barracks. Ikkaku groaned explaining what had happened wasn't going to be fun. As they were lead to the captain's room and ushered in. They said their greetings and waited for some tea.

"What brings you guys to visit an old man like me?" Shunsui asked with his cheerful smile. Ikkaku's expression fell.

"I- I need some help..." Ikkaku wondered if this had been a good idea.

"With what?" Shunsui asked as Ikkaku looked more uncomfortable by the minute.

"It's probably better if you knew the whole story." Renji cut in. Shunsui nodded for them to continue, even though he knew why they were here Ukitake had told him everything after Hotaru had come by to talk with them. Ikkaku sighed he'd known he'd have to say something.

"Yumichika and I have been lovers since our days in Rukongai. He has been my only family for a hell of a long time and I love him beyond words." Ikkaku whispered he needed to say that before anything else was said.

"A few years ago I found out Yumi had been lying to me, more like keeping a secret, and I... I acted horribly and pushed Yumichika away it took seeing him hurt and so close to breaking down mentally and emotionally for me to realize what he meant to me." Ikkaku sighed he knew that he should have learned his lesson at that point. Yumichika hadn't thought twice about giving him a second chance he had thought that they were happy. He hadn't seen the sorrow in Yumichika's eyes.

"A year ago our captain found out about Yumichika's zanpaktou and well he was pissed off and told me to leave. I followed his orders and left. I didn't come until two days had gone by when I came back Yumichika was in the hospital... He tried to kill himself after he was kicked out of the Zaraki squad when I didn't come back to him he thought I'd left him and didn't see a reason to keep living." Ikkaku stopped he's voice had started to crack as he was flooded with memorizes. Shunsui nodded on encouragement for Ikkaku to continue when he didn't but that didn't help any. Ikkaku cleared his throat.

"Ikkaku why are you here though?" Shunsui asked still unsure where he could help.

"Yumi and I broke up... We both wanted what was best for the other but it didn't work out very well... I found out that I.. that I've been hitting him when I'm drunk." Ikkaku admitted softly he still didn't understand why everything had gone so wrong.

"In the past I've insulted Yumichika and I have hurt him physically and emotionally. I always thought if I hurt him Yumichika would stop me, that he would never let me do something to him that he didn't want, but I was wrong. Damn it! Ya have no idea what I wouldn't give to change that... I hate myself every time he tells me how much I mean to him or that he loves me all I can think of is how could ya love someone like me after everything I've done to ya. I've always known Yumichika deserves better than me but I've never shown him that. I've never been a good lover to him." Ikkaku whispered as he stared at his hands he didn't want to see the look on Renji's or Shunsui's face.

"Sometimes I wish that I had never met Yumichika maybe then I wouldn't have hurt him... I came here 'cause Renji thought ya might have some advice on how I could fix things with Yumichika or at least make everything better for him. That's all I really want to make sure Yumichika's happy." Ikkaku continued in a voice that was to quiet to be his.

"That isn't all that happened is it?" Shunsui asked as he watched Renji and Ikkaku closely he wasn't sure if he should help Ikkaku from the looks of it all the things that he had mentioned had been happening over and over and over again so why should he help Ikkaku give Yumichika hope if it was only going to be crushed in the end. He doubted that Yumichika could coop with that much emotional stress. He doubted he himself could deal with Emiko if something happened to one of her students.

"I... I cheated on him... I don't know what the hell came over me and I regret it deeply. Yumi is so beautiful, so precious, and he deserves so much better then me and I know that! I ain't stupid Yumi's more beautiful then most women... I don't deserve him and if I'm gonna lose him I might as well try to make this special in anyway I can. Just to let him remember what we had was a good thing not something ta be ashamed off... not something that he should regret." Ikkaku whispered a deep sorrow was obvious in his voice.

"I have a question knowing that you've done all of those things why do you want to fight for him? I mean if you've hurt him so much already do you really want to hurt him again?" Shunsui asked a long silence fell with two curious faces waiting for on answer the one they received didn't surprise them.

"I want to fight for him... 'cause I love him. I know it's taken too long for me to realize just how much I love him but now that I see it I don't want to lose him. I don't wanna see him sad again! I want him to smile and laugh. I don't ever wanna see a single tear in those beautiful eyes not 'cause of me or anyone." Ikkaku whispered Shunsui nodded he had only one piece of advice for him.

"Talk to him, show him how much he means to you, and avoid hurting him again." Shunsui said calmly. Ikkaku stared at him he wanted more then that but something was something. He turned to Renji who gave him on encouraging smile.

**One hour later**

Yumichika paced back and forth he was worried about Ikkaku. He hadn't come back yet and it was troubling especially knowing that Hotaru was following him. He shuddered and watched as Emiko laughed softly. He was surprised to see long dirty blonde hair falling across her chest and hazel eyes watching him closely as Hotaru rested her head on Emiko's shoulder. She whispered something into Emiko's ear which caused a soft smile to appear on the tan face.

"So there is no need to torture, poison, or make Ikkaku mysteriously disappear?" Emiko asked when Hotaru nodded Yumichika exhaled the breath he didn't realize he was holding. Byakuya watched with cold calculating eyes what was going on before him. He watched as Yumichika talked cheerfully with both of his former teachers. He almost smiled at the sight when he saw Ukitake watching him closely he could tell that his former teacher was happy to be there.

As the chatting slowed down and they all headed off to bed. Yumichika was slightly worried about Ikkaku not returning but he remembered Ikkaku had a home to go to and had probably gone there instead of returning to the Kuchiki Manor where he'd be staying for the night. He smiled sadly._ 'Why did I think it'd be different now? Of course he wouldn't stay with me! Why am I so stupid at times?'_ Yumichika thought weakly as he dressed and crawled under the covers of his king size bed, in the suite that had been given to him by Byakuya. He didn't want to wonder where Ikkaku was right now. He eventually drifted into a troubled sleep.

Ikkaku had stayed at a small garden with Renji to talk and think about what he'd do when he went to see Yumichika. He realized after a while that Yumichika had fallen asleep, troubled sleep, but sleep none the less. He smiled softly knowing that Yumichika wanted to wait up for him. _'He probably doesn't think I'll stay with him now that we're back in Sereitei.' _Ikkaku thought sadly.

"I don't know what to do." He said with a heavy heart. He watched Renji sitting next to him with a thoughtful look.

"You once told me that if I made love to Byakuya he'd eventually fall in love with me or that he'd started showing more affection, why not try that?" Renji asked. Ikkaku smiled at the thought he knew Yumichika would be happy with the smallest show of affection but he wasn't sure if that was a good idea Yumichika would probably think he was being used.

"Why is this so fucking hard?" Ikkaku growled wondering why he was having so much trouble he usually acted without thinking.

"Byakuya once told me Friend's will keep you sane, love could fill your heart, a love can warm your bed, but lonely is the heart without a mate. It's by David Pratt. Maybe that's why it's so hard for you to let him go or to find a good way to make things right. He's not some random person ya wanna sleep with, he's someone very dear to ya, and ya don't want ta hurt him or lose him." Renji mumbled. Ikkaku had to grin at that.

"Maybe we should head back though I'm pretty sure that Byakuya is wanting to know what's keeping ya." Renji nodded, they first went to Ikkaku's apartment so that he could get some clothes and other things, and then they headed towards the Kuchiki Manor.

Ikkaku entered Yumichika's room without having to ask where it was he could always tell where Yumichika was at all times. He smiled at Yumichika's beautiful face lite by the soft moonlight that came in through the window. He quickly changed into a sleeping yukata.

"Beautiful." He whispered as he settled down next to Yumichika's sleeping form and gently caressed one soft cheek and smiled. He pulled Yumichika into a tight embrace as he started to plant soft kisses on Yumichika's face until beautiful lavender eyes opened to watch him sleepily.

"Ikkaku what are you doing?" Yumichika mumbled a light blush was apparent on his pale cheeks as Ikkaku continued to kiss him, gently he headed for Yumichika's neck sucking on the juncture between his shoulder and neck. Glad that Yumichika's sleeping yukata had moved to reveal one pale shoulder. He smiled as Yumichika moaned softly.

"I'm gonna show ya how much ya mean ta me." Ikkaku whispered. Yumichika smiled as he kissed Ikkaku softly when Ikkaku sucked on his lower lip he opened his mouth instantly and let Ikkaku's tongue battle for dominance with his own. He eventually lost and felt Ikkaku's tongue press gently on his own making Yumichika moan. They continued to kiss heatedly for a while wanting the moment to last forever. As they pulled apart for air Yumichika smiled.

"I love you Ikkaku." Yumichika whispered as he nibbled on Ikkaku's ear lobe. Ikkaku groaned loving the feel of Yumichika's body pressed flushed against his own. He settled on top of Yumichika's frame with one leg between Yumichika's who started to grind against him as they shared several heated kisses before Ikkaku kissed down Yumichika's neck and kissed him lightly behind the ear before moving further down. He kissed and sucked and bit at Yumichika's neck and shoulders wanting to taste every bit of delicious skin available. It'd been too long. He loved the whimpers that escaped Yumichika's soft lips. He grinned as he undid Yumichika's obi pulling the yukata and everything else off. He sucked on his right nipple and bit down on it gently before changing to the other one while twisting the right one between his fingers. He groaned softly when he felt Yumichika's nails dig into his clothed shoulders.

Yumichika moaned, whimpered, and begged for more at each of Ikkaku's ministrations. He smiled at Yumichika's flushed face before moving down between Yumichika's legs he kissed Yumichika's inner thighs before grabbing Yumichika's hard cock and running his thumb over the slit. Yumichika moaned opening his eyes to watch Ikkaku as he took his cock into his mouth. Ikkaku held Yumichika's hips down as he suck on the head before pulling back to lick the precum off the slit and blowing cold air onto it. He curled his toes and tried to buck into that hot mouth and the fingers scissoring him. Ikkaku took his sweet time teasing Yumichika slowly taking in inch after inch of the throbbing flesh into his hot mouth, licking and sucking along the way. He grin, he could feel that Yumichika was close, but before Yumichika could find his release Ikkaku stopped and kissed him softly.

"This is gonna be special Yumi." Yumichika smiled softly as Ikkaku caressed his cheek. It was a moment that Ikkaku would always cherish. He watched as Yumichika reached towards his nightstand opening the drawer and pulling out a small bottle of lube. Yumichika spread his legs apart as Ikkaku gently pressed one lubricated finger into his tight entrance. He was surprised at how tight Yumichika had become over one year. When Yumichika started moving against the first digit he started sucking on Yumichika's hard length trying to distract him as he pressed the second finger in and began a scissoring motion. Yumichika winced but eventually started moving in time with the thrusts. Soft moans filled the air as Yumichika started writhing in pleasure as Ikkaku inserted a third digit he heard Yumichika moan in a mixture of pleasure and pain. He continued to stretch Yumichika switching between hitting Yumichika's prostrate head on and completely avoiding it. When he was sure that Yumichika was ready he removed his fingers earning a disapproving whimper from Yumichika.

"Yumi what do ya want?" Ikkaku asked huskily as he undressed.

"I want you to make love to me Ikkaku..." Yumichika whispered softly. Ikkaku nodded as he pulled Yumichika up and claimed his lips in a slow passionate kiss. When Ikkaku simply continued kissing him. Yumichika, thinking he would lose his mind if Ikkaku didn't take him soon, moaned in protest against the possessive lips on his. When Ikkaku's sword calloused hand skimmed down his torso, Yumichika shivered. Ikkaku guided Yumichika's legs around him and Yumichika trembled with anticipation.

Yumichika was expecting to be taken swiftly like Ikkaku usually did, Yumichika's breath caught in his throat when Ikkaku's huge cock slid into him slowly. Ikkaku set a slow sensual pace. Yumichika moan as deep inside him his sweet spot was expertly tormented. Yumichika's breath was finally released in a loud moan. "Gods Ikkaku I missed this!"

Yumichika whined when Ikkaku withdraw completely, but was rewarded when Ikkaku rose up on his knees and pushed forward. The new angle allowed for even deeper penetration. Slowly and methodically Ikkaku moved on him until Yumichika thought he'd lost his mind. Ikkaku had never drawn so much pleasure from him not so effectively. It was perfection. Ikkaku started to pick up his pace making Yumichika moan with ecstasy as he thrust into Yumichika, Yumichika moved against him creating even more friction. Finally, with Yumichika's hands desperately trying to pull him closer Ikkaku laid down over him. With Yumichika clutching onto him as if his life depended on it he was able to hear Yumichika's moaned words.

"Please more Ikkaku... Deeper please..." Those words sent desire surging through him at being able to make Yumichika become so submissive. Ikkaku reached for Yumichika's neglected cock and began stroking him in time with his erratic thrusts. Together their moans and groans filled the air as their passion climbed even higher. Moments later Yumichika spiraled over the edge crying out Ikkaku's name as he cummed on both their stomachs Yumichika arched trying to get as close as possible. Yumichika's walls clenched around Ikkaku's swollen cock becoming incredibly tight. He slammed into Yumichika as he too came deep inside his love, with his lovers name upon his lips. He collapsed on Yumichika he was to far gone to realize that Yumichika had lost consciousness. When his breathing returned to normal he pulled out of Yumichika and laid next to him pulling Yumichika into a tight embrace.

"Yumi." He whispered softly as he kissed Yumichika's forehead slowly Yumichika's eyes fluttered open and turned to him with a questioning look.

"Ikkaku... please tell this wasn't a one night stand, that you aren't playing with my heart, that you did this because you love me." Yumichika whispered softly.

"I promise Yumi I will never hurt ya like that again. I was a fool and I didn't realize that I had everything I could possibly want right here in my arms." Ikkaku whispered holding Yumichika tightly. Yumichika cuddled into his chest. They slept in a tight embrace neither moving during the night.

"If we're right they're making there move soon. They want Yumichika dead in this dimension..." Emiko whispered sorrow laced her words. Hotaru held her tightly knowing that something horrible was going to happen soon.

Emiko sighed as she was released and they moved towards the eleventh division she had a horrible feeling that something had happened to Captain Zaraki, and she knew they were to late. She turned to Hotaru and they began to move in the shadows they needed to know if they were right and if they were it wouldn't be good. Hotaru grabbed her hand and held it gently, forcing them to stop, running her thumb over the back of her hand. She knew that Emiko was worried they all were. Eventually they continued to move silently. Moving towards a fight they wish they didn't have to fight.

Yumichika and Ikkaku awoke after their night together feeling perfect to them it seemed that everything was working out for the better. They shared a gentle kiss and showered and got ready to have breakfast with Byakuya and Renji. As soon as they entered the room they could feel the tense atmosphere, something had happened. Emiko and Hotaru weren't there. Yumichika sighed knowing they wouldn't be informed of anything for a while.

Several weeks went by and Yumichika began to feel sick on Byakuya's orders he went to the fourth to see Unohana the shock and fear that gripped Yumichika left him wide eyed and unable to respond. He sat down wondering what he'd do now. He and Ikkaku hadn't solved all there problems they hadn't said they were back on the terms they used to be in. So many question ran through his mind but mostly he wanted to know how it was possible that he was in this situation. Everything had been going perfectly with Ikkaku for a while now, but he wondered if this would ruin everything. _'No it wont he'll be happy...'_ Yumichika thought weakly.

Yumichika thanked Unohana and began to walk towards the training grounds of the eleventh division wondering what would happen when he got there. He didn't know if his heart could deal with another rejection. He sighed as he saw Ikkaku training alone it would be easier that way if he got rejected at least no one would be there to judge Ikkaku, no one would be there to see his sorrow. He gripped Ruri'iro Kujaku tightly for some reassurance as he walked towards Ikkaku. He watched Ikkaku look up at him with a happy grin that fell when he saw the fear and worry on Yumichika's face.

"What's wrong Yumichika?" Ikkaku asked instantly. Yumichika's right arm was wrapped protectively around his abdomen. Yumichika looked at him, took a deep breath, and tried to calm his pounding heart. _'He'll take it as good news!'_ A voice in his head said.

"Ikkaku I... I don't know how this happened... I wont blame you if you leave... and I wont hate you for it... I-I don't know how to say this Ikkaku," Yumichika raised his chin and looked him in the eye as he said the one thing Ikkaku never expected to hear, "...I'm pregnant."

* * *

There you go Emiko and Hotaru are characers from How it all came to be if you wanna know their story go check that story out. Please review I wanna know how I did. Love you guys!

Review reply:

Star I don't think you're a pervert I'm the one writing this...


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